Sticky dreamwork dilemmas - a conversation
Half a lifetime ago you sent me a sticky-note and it has been doing its job ever since, i.e. sticking to me. You said “P.S. Brandon, Do you have any advice for responding to sarcasm from men in particular regarding dream-work? Any ideas are welcomed.”
Here are a couple of thoughts, for what they are worth.
It depends on the man and what energy-place you find yourself in at the moment of engagement.
Most Basic Question: Interact on purpose or don’t?
If he is not connected to your world in a way that you need to pay attention to his struggles (acknowledged/conscious or not) then notice his vibe in the dreamtime, file it away as another voice in the stream, and walk away. We may all be connected but it may not be your gig to help him through this particular distress.
If he is already an integral part of your world you might:
Argue/Educate him as to the effect of his behavior on you, entirely bracketing the efficacy of dream tending as a topic:
Suggest: sar•casm (sär“k²z”…m) n. 1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound. 2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule. 3. The use of sarcasm. See Synonyms at wit1. [Late Latin sarcasmus, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein, to bite the lips in rage, from sarx, sark-, flesh.]
and ask if this kind of wounding is what he intends. If this kind of abusive behavior continues, consciously or not, his consequences should be memorable but not retributive.
Argue at the intellectual level, if this seems accessible and desirable or even possible (does he argue to reach mutual understanding or to dominate – two very different things), so that he must carry the weight of the evidence and his own doubts, rather than you carrying the weight of his ignorance:
Present evidence of people he would consider credible who take dream work seriously.
I am a prep-school, classically educated, white male with a terminal academic degree and know for certain that dream-work can be directly applicable and efficacious for resolving any number of dilemmas.
Ditto for Steve (Aizenstat) and others - ad nauseum. This is a familiar and powerful if rather tired approach because it is so often about winning rather than better understanding, but if he might be moved by it, it might be worth a try. Who does he think he is...willing to deride an idea without entertaining it by doing the homework to deserve an opinion?
Which part of dream does he find questionable or undesirable?
dream (dr¶m) n. 1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. 2. A daydream; a reverie. 3. A state of abstraction; a trance. 4. A wild fancy or hope. 5. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business. 6. One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Our new car runs like a dream. --dream v. dreamed or dreamt (drµmt), dream•ing, dreams. --intr. 1. To experience a dream in sleep: dreamed of meeting an old friend. 2. To daydream. 3. To have a deep aspiration: dreaming of a world at peace. 4. To regard something as feasible or practical: I wouldn't dream of trick skiing on icy slopes. --tr. 1. To experience a dream of while asleep: Did it storm last night, or did I dream it? 2. To conceive of; imagine. 3. To pass (time) idly or in reverie. --phrasal verb. dream up. To invent; concoct: dreamed up a plan to corner the market. [Middle English drem, from Old English dr¶am, joy, music Old Saxon dr½m, mirth, dream.]
Explore/Educate yourself using his entrance into the process:
Suppressed rage (as an idea which may or may not literally apply) and lip biting as an image from the behavior and its narrative/text suggest to me a deep discomfort of some kind. What figure is causing such discomfort in the shared dreamtime? The figures will probably come to light based on the need hidden behind his sarcastic wounding behavior and your responsive reflex.
Remember that you are powerful and giving him the gift of your possibly more settled knowing by considering a response rather than dismissing him according to the rules of the paradigm of sarcasm he has introduced.
Or you could just print this out and hit him with it, if no apparent course is obvious. It might be better kept as part of your private process but the judgment call is obviously yours. There are certainly many additional options about which I am less conversant including:
- Dreaming him into your process by “seeding” your own sleep-time with the idea and projected fantasy/dream-substance of his making some intimate discoveries of his own without you having to be his “teacher”.
- Referring him to local persons capable of addressing him directly and with authority.
- Letting him know, as is dictated by your individual relationship, that additional work is required on his part before you will be willing to entertain dream ideas with him.
I suspect everything can be seen as a gift, as some folks insist, but not necessarily a good (thoughtful) gift. This could be a fabulous window to learning or it could be a commemorative pope-shaped soap-on-a-rope in your Christmas stocking kind of gift.
Dunno which.
Was this helpful?
Brandon | posted by Unknown @ 4/14/2005 01:30:00 PM
Half a lifetime ago you sent me a sticky-note and it has been doing its job ever since, i.e. sticking to me. You said “P.S. Brandon, Do you have any advice for responding to sarcasm from men in particular regarding dream-work? Any ideas are welcomed.”
Here are a couple of thoughts, for what they are worth.
It depends on the man and what energy-place you find yourself in at the moment of engagement.
Most Basic Question: Interact on purpose or don’t?
If he is not connected to your world in a way that you need to pay attention to his struggles (acknowledged/conscious or not) then notice his vibe in the dreamtime, file it away as another voice in the stream, and walk away. We may all be connected but it may not be your gig to help him through this particular distress.
If he is already an integral part of your world you might:
Argue/Educate him as to the effect of his behavior on you, entirely bracketing the efficacy of dream tending as a topic:
Suggest: sar•casm (sär“k²z”…m) n. 1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound. 2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule. 3. The use of sarcasm. See Synonyms at wit1. [Late Latin sarcasmus, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein, to bite the lips in rage, from sarx, sark-, flesh.]
and ask if this kind of wounding is what he intends. If this kind of abusive behavior continues, consciously or not, his consequences should be memorable but not retributive.
Argue at the intellectual level, if this seems accessible and desirable or even possible (does he argue to reach mutual understanding or to dominate – two very different things), so that he must carry the weight of the evidence and his own doubts, rather than you carrying the weight of his ignorance:
Present evidence of people he would consider credible who take dream work seriously.
I am a prep-school, classically educated, white male with a terminal academic degree and know for certain that dream-work can be directly applicable and efficacious for resolving any number of dilemmas.
Ditto for Steve (Aizenstat) and others - ad nauseum. This is a familiar and powerful if rather tired approach because it is so often about winning rather than better understanding, but if he might be moved by it, it might be worth a try. Who does he think he is...willing to deride an idea without entertaining it by doing the homework to deserve an opinion?
Which part of dream does he find questionable or undesirable?
dream (dr¶m) n. 1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. 2. A daydream; a reverie. 3. A state of abstraction; a trance. 4. A wild fancy or hope. 5. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business. 6. One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Our new car runs like a dream. --dream v. dreamed or dreamt (drµmt), dream•ing, dreams. --intr. 1. To experience a dream in sleep: dreamed of meeting an old friend. 2. To daydream. 3. To have a deep aspiration: dreaming of a world at peace. 4. To regard something as feasible or practical: I wouldn't dream of trick skiing on icy slopes. --tr. 1. To experience a dream of while asleep: Did it storm last night, or did I dream it? 2. To conceive of; imagine. 3. To pass (time) idly or in reverie. --phrasal verb. dream up. To invent; concoct: dreamed up a plan to corner the market. [Middle English drem, from Old English dr¶am, joy, music Old Saxon dr½m, mirth, dream.]
Explore/Educate yourself using his entrance into the process:
Suppressed rage (as an idea which may or may not literally apply) and lip biting as an image from the behavior and its narrative/text suggest to me a deep discomfort of some kind. What figure is causing such discomfort in the shared dreamtime? The figures will probably come to light based on the need hidden behind his sarcastic wounding behavior and your responsive reflex.
Remember that you are powerful and giving him the gift of your possibly more settled knowing by considering a response rather than dismissing him according to the rules of the paradigm of sarcasm he has introduced.
Or you could just print this out and hit him with it, if no apparent course is obvious. It might be better kept as part of your private process but the judgment call is obviously yours. There are certainly many additional options about which I am less conversant including:
- Dreaming him into your process by “seeding” your own sleep-time with the idea and projected fantasy/dream-substance of his making some intimate discoveries of his own without you having to be his “teacher”.
- Referring him to local persons capable of addressing him directly and with authority.
- Letting him know, as is dictated by your individual relationship, that additional work is required on his part before you will be willing to entertain dream ideas with him.
I suspect everything can be seen as a gift, as some folks insist, but not necessarily a good (thoughtful) gift. This could be a fabulous window to learning or it could be a commemorative pope-shaped soap-on-a-rope in your Christmas stocking kind of gift.
Dunno which.
Was this helpful?
Brandon | posted by Unknown @ 4/14/2005 01:30:00 PM
You scored as Musical/Rhythmic. You are sensitive to sounds in your environment, enjoy music and prefer listening to music when you study or read. You learn best through melody and music. People like you include singers, conductors, composers, and others who appreciate the various elements of music.
The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences created with QuizFarm.com |
