I'm getting the inside of my eyelids tattooed.
Fair warning: this is going to sound like harshing on The Almighty at first, and it is certainly heretical by most measures.
I received a letter recently requesting reassurances that bad rides are not equal to abandonment by God.
I suspect the stories about the regretful God killing everybody on the planet except a chosen few (Genesis 6:7), humiliating (Exodus 3:16-22) and slaughtering (Ex 11:4-8) Egyptians, recommending the annihilation of anybody in Isreal's/His way (Ex 23:27-33) as well as swaths of his Chosen (Ex 32:26-29) must be taken seriously. When Jesus who is God cried out on the cross at the abandonment of the Father he wasn't wrong or waxing eloquent in his agony.
The "dark side in my difficulties" which inclines one to "give up on" a God who "won't be there for the really BIG stuff" is deep in the whole human relationship with God (and God with God), thus "dark nights of the soul" and the amazing suffering of so many saintly men and women.
My tattoos will say "give up on" (left eyelid) "your ideas of God" (right eyelid).
When my own personal life sucks, despite the good health, love from family, friends, and loved ones, and freedom to worship, what melts away is my certainty fantasies about God, not the reality of Creation and the absolutely overwhelming sweetness of being Loved. God "crosses my willful path" (Jung) in all kinds of pleasant (to me) and unpleasant (to me) ways. God willing, children will be born into my family. God willing, the deaths of the people I love will be good deaths. If He were really male, The Almighty were unable to relate to weakness, the Virgin were not also a Mother, the One weren't also Three, God would not keep me on my existential toes and taking this whole overwhelming idea of Divinity seriously.
If God doesn't scare the shit out of me and eventually take my life in hand, as well as confirm my faith in the reality of Complete Unconditional Love, then where is the experience of the sublime?
I hope this offers hope because only taking God seriously can balance the bad roller coaster ride with the easy sleep in the presence of a Jesus who laughs aloud upon waking. If my literal family members are beyond my understanding, then how much more intimate and beyond is God? I have faith that this is as it should be to draw me into deeper understanding through legitimate agonizing over the best choices I can make in my sphere of influence. This carries me through many a difficult situation (with a serious dose of stubbornness) because receiving new insight and blasts of creative inspiration in relationship to that which I cannot understand is worth every twist in the road.
May your batteries recharge with the certainty that you are loved and able to include any adversity in the way your hands and heart understand those you love, which is the building of your own wisdom.
Oh, and in reading all this, pay no attention.
God won't fit in anybody's pocket. | posted by Unknown @ 5/30/2004 12:13:00 AM
Fair warning: this is going to sound like harshing on The Almighty at first, and it is certainly heretical by most measures.
I received a letter recently requesting reassurances that bad rides are not equal to abandonment by God.
I suspect the stories about the regretful God killing everybody on the planet except a chosen few (Genesis 6:7), humiliating (Exodus 3:16-22) and slaughtering (Ex 11:4-8) Egyptians, recommending the annihilation of anybody in Isreal's/His way (Ex 23:27-33) as well as swaths of his Chosen (Ex 32:26-29) must be taken seriously. When Jesus who is God cried out on the cross at the abandonment of the Father he wasn't wrong or waxing eloquent in his agony.
The "dark side in my difficulties" which inclines one to "give up on" a God who "won't be there for the really BIG stuff" is deep in the whole human relationship with God (and God with God), thus "dark nights of the soul" and the amazing suffering of so many saintly men and women.
My tattoos will say "give up on" (left eyelid) "your ideas of God" (right eyelid).
When my own personal life sucks, despite the good health, love from family, friends, and loved ones, and freedom to worship, what melts away is my certainty fantasies about God, not the reality of Creation and the absolutely overwhelming sweetness of being Loved. God "crosses my willful path" (Jung) in all kinds of pleasant (to me) and unpleasant (to me) ways. God willing, children will be born into my family. God willing, the deaths of the people I love will be good deaths. If He were really male, The Almighty were unable to relate to weakness, the Virgin were not also a Mother, the One weren't also Three, God would not keep me on my existential toes and taking this whole overwhelming idea of Divinity seriously.
If God doesn't scare the shit out of me and eventually take my life in hand, as well as confirm my faith in the reality of Complete Unconditional Love, then where is the experience of the sublime?
I hope this offers hope because only taking God seriously can balance the bad roller coaster ride with the easy sleep in the presence of a Jesus who laughs aloud upon waking. If my literal family members are beyond my understanding, then how much more intimate and beyond is God? I have faith that this is as it should be to draw me into deeper understanding through legitimate agonizing over the best choices I can make in my sphere of influence. This carries me through many a difficult situation (with a serious dose of stubbornness) because receiving new insight and blasts of creative inspiration in relationship to that which I cannot understand is worth every twist in the road.
May your batteries recharge with the certainty that you are loved and able to include any adversity in the way your hands and heart understand those you love, which is the building of your own wisdom.
Oh, and in reading all this, pay no attention.
God won't fit in anybody's pocket. | posted by Unknown @ 5/30/2004 12:13:00 AM
What follows was a part of replies to Lisa's Thu May 27th, 2004 "On the essentials" post.
It mattered to me so here it is.
Things I'm interested in doing or feel drawn to but which aren't "musts" feel to me like just about everything for which I have any inclination at all.
People die and change in other myriad ways. Musn't I be some kind of Me not contingent on any other person? Maybe even my self as I know it is an acquaintance. I may find I have become a different Brandon when I consult various mirror over the course of the next several years.
I too would have said I require relationship to certain people to be me. Years ago I might have said I must be an artist (actor/singer) or an educator to be me.
Not only is that no longer the case but I'm not certain of any thing I MUST do or person with whom I must connect to be me.
You are the biggest part of life tied to my identity. The idea of being without Lisa brings up the biggest negative MUST (must not) I can imagine.
I don't know what is necessary for me to consider myself successful and/or happy beyond the pleasure of digging in to the layers of what is going on around and within us right now.
For me it is about engaging the visitors in my life (people, ideas, projects, fantasies of myself) in a way that stimulates my long term yum factor and suggests the sublime (terribly wonderful/horrible) without shoving it in my eyeball all the time.
I'm trying to learn to be incremental, present, and focussed in a blanaced kind of way so I am deeply ready and flexible enough to contribute fully to each individual thing that nears its creative potential in my vicinity.
I too "should" be able to creatively include fear (appears as FEARLESSness) when it comes to work. I "should" be able to engage practically anything I find, noticing the worries about how it's going to turn out but still be motive, because there is no area of my life without which I will be less me, whatever that is.
Instead, I start all kinds of different but related projects and then shift between them obsessively, indicating that at some level I don't buy all the dynamics about which I have just been writing.
I too end up half-finished until some gonzo marathon session is required to get it done "well enough" that I don't feel stupid and therby useless.
Fascinating. | posted by Unknown @ 5/28/2004 11:41:00 AM
It mattered to me so here it is.
Things I'm interested in doing or feel drawn to but which aren't "musts" feel to me like just about everything for which I have any inclination at all.
People die and change in other myriad ways. Musn't I be some kind of Me not contingent on any other person? Maybe even my self as I know it is an acquaintance. I may find I have become a different Brandon when I consult various mirror over the course of the next several years.
I too would have said I require relationship to certain people to be me. Years ago I might have said I must be an artist (actor/singer) or an educator to be me.
Not only is that no longer the case but I'm not certain of any thing I MUST do or person with whom I must connect to be me.
You are the biggest part of life tied to my identity. The idea of being without Lisa brings up the biggest negative MUST (must not) I can imagine.
I don't know what is necessary for me to consider myself successful and/or happy beyond the pleasure of digging in to the layers of what is going on around and within us right now.
For me it is about engaging the visitors in my life (people, ideas, projects, fantasies of myself) in a way that stimulates my long term yum factor and suggests the sublime (terribly wonderful/horrible) without shoving it in my eyeball all the time.
I'm trying to learn to be incremental, present, and focussed in a blanaced kind of way so I am deeply ready and flexible enough to contribute fully to each individual thing that nears its creative potential in my vicinity.
I too "should" be able to creatively include fear (appears as FEARLESSness) when it comes to work. I "should" be able to engage practically anything I find, noticing the worries about how it's going to turn out but still be motive, because there is no area of my life without which I will be less me, whatever that is.
Instead, I start all kinds of different but related projects and then shift between them obsessively, indicating that at some level I don't buy all the dynamics about which I have just been writing.
I too end up half-finished until some gonzo marathon session is required to get it done "well enough" that I don't feel stupid and therby useless.
Fascinating. | posted by Unknown @ 5/28/2004 11:41:00 AM
