What follows was a part of replies to Lisa's Thu May 27th, 2004 "On the essentials" post.
It mattered to me so here it is.
Things I'm interested in doing or feel drawn to but which aren't "musts" feel to me like just about everything for which I have any inclination at all.
People die and change in other myriad ways. Musn't I be some kind of Me not contingent on any other person? Maybe even my self as I know it is an acquaintance. I may find I have become a different Brandon when I consult various mirror over the course of the next several years.
I too would have said I require relationship to certain people to be me. Years ago I might have said I must be an artist (actor/singer) or an educator to be me.
Not only is that no longer the case but I'm not certain of any thing I MUST do or person with whom I must connect to be me.
You are the biggest part of life tied to my identity. The idea of being without Lisa brings up the biggest negative MUST (must not) I can imagine.
I don't know what is necessary for me to consider myself successful and/or happy beyond the pleasure of digging in to the layers of what is going on around and within us right now.
For me it is about engaging the visitors in my life (people, ideas, projects, fantasies of myself) in a way that stimulates my long term yum factor and suggests the sublime (terribly wonderful/horrible) without shoving it in my eyeball all the time.
I'm trying to learn to be incremental, present, and focussed in a blanaced kind of way so I am deeply ready and flexible enough to contribute fully to each individual thing that nears its creative potential in my vicinity.
I too "should" be able to creatively include fear (appears as FEARLESSness) when it comes to work. I "should" be able to engage practically anything I find, noticing the worries about how it's going to turn out but still be motive, because there is no area of my life without which I will be less me, whatever that is.
Instead, I start all kinds of different but related projects and then shift between them obsessively, indicating that at some level I don't buy all the dynamics about which I have just been writing.
I too end up half-finished until some gonzo marathon session is required to get it done "well enough" that I don't feel stupid and therby useless.
Fascinating. | posted by Unknown @ 5/28/2004 11:41:00 AM
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It mattered to me so here it is.
Things I'm interested in doing or feel drawn to but which aren't "musts" feel to me like just about everything for which I have any inclination at all.
People die and change in other myriad ways. Musn't I be some kind of Me not contingent on any other person? Maybe even my self as I know it is an acquaintance. I may find I have become a different Brandon when I consult various mirror over the course of the next several years.
I too would have said I require relationship to certain people to be me. Years ago I might have said I must be an artist (actor/singer) or an educator to be me.
Not only is that no longer the case but I'm not certain of any thing I MUST do or person with whom I must connect to be me.
You are the biggest part of life tied to my identity. The idea of being without Lisa brings up the biggest negative MUST (must not) I can imagine.
I don't know what is necessary for me to consider myself successful and/or happy beyond the pleasure of digging in to the layers of what is going on around and within us right now.
For me it is about engaging the visitors in my life (people, ideas, projects, fantasies of myself) in a way that stimulates my long term yum factor and suggests the sublime (terribly wonderful/horrible) without shoving it in my eyeball all the time.
I'm trying to learn to be incremental, present, and focussed in a blanaced kind of way so I am deeply ready and flexible enough to contribute fully to each individual thing that nears its creative potential in my vicinity.
I too "should" be able to creatively include fear (appears as FEARLESSness) when it comes to work. I "should" be able to engage practically anything I find, noticing the worries about how it's going to turn out but still be motive, because there is no area of my life without which I will be less me, whatever that is.
Instead, I start all kinds of different but related projects and then shift between them obsessively, indicating that at some level I don't buy all the dynamics about which I have just been writing.
I too end up half-finished until some gonzo marathon session is required to get it done "well enough" that I don't feel stupid and therby useless.
Fascinating. | posted by Unknown @ 5/28/2004 11:41:00 AM
