A Long Term Friend is concerned about politics in the dojo
This Wednesday, October 8th, Kayla Feder and Nick Walker will co-teach a class at Aikido of Berkeley in order to raise funds for the Obama/Biden campaign. A friend feels strongly about this and wrote to say so.
I'm sorry, guyz and galz, but I think this is a disgrace. It's an explicit statement that only those who are for Obama are welcomed to train at the dojo this Wednesday. It's also an implicit statement that those who do not support Obama are outcasts -- not part and parcel of the dojo -- which really has nothing to do with politics but everything to do with serenity, peace, and love.I responded:
And to perfectly clear, the problem has nothing to do with Obama either. It would be every bit as big a problem if the fund raiser was for Hillary, McCain, Nader or Paul. And I would be just as disappointed because I would hope for greater clarity of vision from such good people as I've found at the dojo.
Just put this simple test to it: Would OSensei have involved himself and his school in a partisan political campaign? Did he ever?
I miss you and it is lovely to hear (read) your voice! As ever, you may be relied upon to take a position with passion and it is a pleasure to hear (read) you again.
I disagree with a great deal of energy. I feel certain Kayla Senei and Nick Sensei will support the notion that anyone may feel free to train our not train on Wednesday or any other night, as always. A visitor might choose to pay a mat fee and ask that it go to the dojo instead of Obama if they do not wish to support his candidacy, thereby getting the benefit of training in the dynamic atmosphere that will undoubtedly ensue, but without having to support a cause with which they do not agree. This is flexibility I believe you would be unlikely to find in the "camp" of either the radical right or left, or the "radical" anybody for that matter.
I hear a concern that those who do not support the Senseis' and the majority view in the dojos involved will feel like outcasts and, as we are human beings, this must always be a concern. Aside from continuing to provide every evidence to the contrary on a daily basis, I'd love to hear suggestions from you about how we might make it clear that no one is outcast as we continue to act with clarity of vision on the strength of our convictions and navigate the shoals of difference. Perhaps by sharing this conversation? As Kayla Sensei has made super-clear that the AiBerk Yahoo group may not become a discussion list, I haven't approved your message for circulation, but I feel compelled to respond and invite the Senseis to do so as well precisely because Aikido of Berkeley and Aikido Shusekai (though I may not speak as part of that group until I can train with them regularly) do not, in my experience, exclude any person or viewpoint from the mix.
The seeds of O'Sensei's martial dedication are most often attributed to decisions he made as a child after his father was attacked and beaten by a gang of thugs hired by a rival politician. He went to war based on his beliefs and became personally involved in political affairs to the point that, in the Spring of 1912, at the age of 29, he moved his family into the wilderness of Hokkaido and became a politician of sorts (town manager?) himself. Though I am not an expert, by any means, on the inner workings of O'Sensei's history, I cannot imagine an strong spiritual and martial teacher of that era ignoring the social realities of his students. As politics and daily life were integrated, and character was certainly included in the training a master would give a student, I feel certain that political reality and martial study were related in the dojo community. Even if they were not, I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that a dojo is the ideal place, rather than the last place, to learn to work well together through conflict, the most important aspect of which, in this mechanized era, has to do with the decisions a group of any size makes based on the beliefs of its members, also known as politics.
"The Way of a Warrior, the Art of Politics, is to stop trouble before it starts. It consists in defeating your adversaries spiritually by making them realize the folly of their actions. The Way of a Warrior is to establish harmony." - Morihei Ueshiba (I believe from the Introduction written by John Stevens for Aikido)
You honor us with your opposition today and integrity in long relationship. I would LOVE to train, sit, drink, talk, and just be around you again at some point in the near future.
Peace,
Brandon
Teaching Aikido to Kids
I'm writing today because I've been working 24x7 for the last week preparing for the stuff mentioned below and am simply exhausted, if very pleased.
Warmest congratulations to Aviv Goldsmith Sensei whose organization, Aikido in Fredericksburg, presented Aiki Kodomo Kenshukai - Teaching Aikido to Children Seminar from October 3-5, 2008 at Aikido of Berkeley in California.
As this work is near and dear to my heart, and as Aviv is Vice President of Aiki Extensions, and as the event was hosted by Aikido of Berkeley and Kayla Sensei could not join us this weekend, I endeavored to help Aviv and his lovely spouse, Donna Pienkowski, to make the event a success. It was, and then some, on many levels. Each presentations offered a sense of continuity of best-practices, as the most experienced teachers seemed to echo essential and basic principles supportive to the learning of each child in each developmental period. Each presentation also offered new techniques and tested approaches that make familiar techniques arise as though new in application to different challenges. I realize as I write this that I'm beginning to sound like a brochure, so I'll stop, but I must highlight the contributions of Aiki Extensions members that illustrated, almost by coincidence, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that aikido for kids is at the forefront of the contribution martial artists are making around the world to building cultures of peace.
AE brought Jose Bueno Sensei of Ação Harmonia Brasil to share his intuitive teaching techniques and offer a peek at the new video AHB is releasing right now, telling part of the essential story of working with children in the favelas (slums) of Sao Paulo, Brasil.
Tesfaye Tekelu, head instructor of the Awassa Peace Dojo, and his compatriot Meshu Tamrat, are touring the USA to appeal for funding to support the Awassa Children's Project, Youth Campus and Peace Dojo, the latter founded with the support of Aiki Extensions. The two trained in the seminar and then offered a video and an improvised gymnastics demonstration, while circulating and telling Awassa stories of welcoming hundreds of children orphaned by HIV/AIDS into their learning community and touring the country taking messages of awareness and prevention before news cameras and before thousands who come to their circus and theater shows. Beyond this essential work, it is also as a direct result of their efforts that aikido has come to be know nationwide, throughout Ethiopia, and is now required in all secondary schools in Addis Ababa.
Association Building Community
Fairly regularly, somebody asks me what ABC is again and I write something like the following. I like to put it in front of other ABCers to get feedback, so here it is...
ABC is Association Building Community. Through a community building process, that created a three year ongoing group that began over a decade ago, I recruited a bunch of older activists who have been through any number of initiatives many of which went the way of the dodo. As is typical of bootstrap efforts that are not driven by cash, they imploded because of internal relational meltdown. Each of these elders had come to the conclusion independently that excellent and essential work craps out because even "peace" activists don't 1) assume there will be conflict 2) train in the process arts to deal with it as a first priority 3) apply their skills in their own situations 4) build their own communities by redefining peace itself as conflict done well. Tired of this immaturity, and often due to health related issues, they faded into the background ("personal work", meditation, prayer, etc.) and began contributing less to others after some three of four decades of service. Today we attempt to pay attention to our own process and life transitions (deaths, birthdays, illness, etc.) and build relationship with each other and then, at whatever pace seems appropriate, generate a project here and there over the years, from community building facilitator trainings, to offering umbrellas to new ideas needing support, to mediations for shared business owners about to sue each other, to consulting and providing as-needed services to community serving groups, to providing executive staffing service for other non-profits in serious trouble. Most ABCers go pretty slow and I, as the youngest at 39, try to bring our pulse up to what can be recognized from the outside as a sign of life. Right now I'm looking for more energetic people, at most my age, who can show up for community on a regular basis and will make passionate demands for guidance and support, and give energy to change the world we live in for the better.
Testing, testing
Some times I just like to experiment with profiling...
My results are below. What do you think?
I've always liked the warrior metaphors a bit too well, and become a bit addicted to their heroism, which is different from simply being heroic when required.SPRING | THE WARRIOR SPIRIT
Psycho-physio profile: The Warrior Spirit; typical fitness club member/trainer; large mesomorph, strong musculature; good competitive athletes. Intrinsic Motivator: Achievement/Action - Most Compatible Workouts: Conventional, highly physical or active exercise or T’ai Chi Ch’uan: Helps Springs stay connected, balancing their tendency to ignore their intuition and physical warning signals such as pain.
Springs are the quintessential go-getters. Their number-one intrinsic motivator is their initiative and drive for achievement. Springs are mavericks, pioneers, adventurers and entrepreneurs — “take charge” people. Springs have a strong mental component to their temperament, and like to think they have logical reasons for everything they do — although their decisions are just as likely to be based on emotion and instinct. They are competitive and impatient; others can sometimes interpret this as being pushy or controlling.
Springs love conventional strength/cardio workouts, which satisfy their need for stimulation and a sense of achievement. Their best intrinsic motivator toward regular exercise is a sense of competition — if only against themselves. Springs tend to lose focus or get distracted by the next challenge that comes along, So while Springs are the least likely to enjoy T’ai Chi, because T’ai Chi can help them stay in tune with their own body’s signals. It can also help them stick with an exercise routine through its depth both of different exercises and of its Principles, which provide logical reasons for them to work out.
This entry has rambled more than a little. May as well close on a down, Fall, heading into the Dark note, now that September is over. :-)
The loss of Aidan, as is often the case, remains a defining reality in my life. Metaphors abound that create the possibility to see it with a kind of understanding: wounded healer, Grail King, crucifixion, depression, resurrection, Death the Ultimate reason for humility and/or irrelevant terror, etc. All this applies while nothing explains much, of course. Greg Mogenson wrote an archetypal psychology book called God Is A Trauma which pushes open (a bit further than did his predecessors - which is always the hope) a door to how I understand much of religion, suffering, and psychology in intellectual terms.
Loss has sweetened even the meanest parts of my life by amplifying my desire to see beauty everywhere in a way that I would have passed over before for lack of need. Grief has crippled me too in a way that standing up where my heart can be seen requires some kind of Grace-fantasy as a prosthetic. I never knew it was possible to hurt like this. Now I do and that has changed me in a way that is simply so - way beyond submitting to a good-bad frame. Let me be clear this change is not one to which anyone in their right mind would ever submit willingly. There is nothing heroically transformative about sitting up again and taking nourishment after having your spiritual head kicked in for several months. It's simply the worst thing I've ever known, to date, and leaves dents from the kicking.
The future requires our attention and dedicated, collective action no less for being unlikely and fragile. If you value a child or can imagine yourself doing so, then you have a by god obligation to get your ass in gear and start teaching by example every young person you can reach how to live with the realities of ambiguity, fear, and finally death. Lack of this training is the root of the violence the large, aggressive children so often in power today perpetrate on the rest of the world. The next significant maker of peace, or of genocide, is a kid you know today.
Labels: aiki, Aikido, daily, dojo, grief, polis, politics
| posted by Unknown @ 10/06/2008 01:24:00 PM
Dec 12th marks Aidan's Death and Dec 19th the ritual that followed. Here comes the week of descent.
We've been under siege for a year now. I'd love to get around this lasting two more years if possible. The sun still shines as brightly or the rain falls in its time. Still the walls get broken through and exiles begin, or not. I'd love to come home to my vocation in a place that values building community and working well with conflict. I feel in exile. So I write and write and write and write and
What else?
I believe in the danger and ubiquity of creeds.
Here is mine.
This is what passes for philosophy in my life.
Purpose is in the unfolding process of imagining a better way of being and then projecting it faithfully.
Reality is in the ongoing process of living ways of imagining through projection.
Suffering is in the continuous process of slowly realizing ways of being imagined through life.
Joy is in and on purpose, or it isn't. (start again)
At the level of identity I am Under Six Feet and Tall Enough to Reach the Records. On the other hand I am Big but not quite big Enough.
Under six-feet and "six feet under" are related...................(click on "Life's Too Short " if you are not Lisa)
Tall Enough is a prophecy. Big Enough isn't.
I'll say more of what I mean by this later, if there is a later, on my wiki.
I might put more here soon.
| ... | Wed 19th falls on the Jewish Fast of 10th Tevet. The Wikipedian oracle reads: |
| "The text in II Kings (25:1-4) tells us that on the 10th day of the 10th month, in the ninth year of his reign, (588 BCE), Nebuchadnezzar, the Babylonian king, began the siege of Jerusalem. Three years later, on the 17th of Tammuz, he broke through the city walls. The siege ended with the destruction of the Temple three weeks later, on the 9th of Av, the end of the first Kingdoms and the exile of the Jewish people to Babylon." |
We've been under siege for a year now. I'd love to get around this lasting two more years if possible. The sun still shines as brightly or the rain falls in its time. Still the walls get broken through and exiles begin, or not. I'd love to come home to my vocation in a place that values building community and working well with conflict. I feel in exile. So I write and write and write and write and
What else?
I believe in the danger and ubiquity of creeds.
Here is mine.
This is what passes for philosophy in my life.
Purpose is in the unfolding process of imagining a better way of being and then projecting it faithfully.
Reality is in the ongoing process of living ways of imagining through projection.
Suffering is in the continuous process of slowly realizing ways of being imagined through life.
Joy is in and on purpose, or it isn't. (start again)
At the level of identity I am Under Six Feet and Tall Enough to Reach the Records. On the other hand I am Big but not quite big Enough.
Under six-feet and "six feet under" are related...................(click on "Life's Too Short " if you are not Lisa)
Tall Enough is a prophecy. Big Enough isn't.
I'll say more of what I mean by this later, if there is a later, on my wiki.
I might put more here soon.
Labels: Aidan, daily, grief, philosophy
| posted by Unknown @ 12/11/2007 03:00:00 PM
I've declared a moratorium on lists of woes.
This was inspired by hearing myself deliver the following...
"How am I doing? My 15 month old son died with no explanation just before last Christmas. As a result we gave up our home and jobs and drove around the nation, fueled by consumer credit which is now generating major fees. My Aikido organization opted to deny my advancement for political reasons even after my teacher promoted me, a large portion of our dojo traveled at their own expense to San Diego as instructed, and I demonstrated twice. My dissertation is still in stasis, not past its first chapter, while my clock ends in December and the federal direct loan people have restarted payments (now entering default) because my school won't list me as in process until I make "acceptable progress". I am responsible for all our family earning beyond the money my wife makes to pay for her schooling and I have no reliable job yet, beyond flexible hourly labor, and lost all income from my Aikido teaching. Following a misjudgment while I was away working in D.C., Washington Mutual elected to extend "Overdraft Protection" (unrequested loans) even though I had had same removed (so no money = no withdrawls/fees) and perpetrated fraud by way of fees and penalties that deserves legislative attention.
Our van was stolen, emptied of it's most valuable contents and then recovered in time for me to pass too close to an AC Transit Bus parked in the only lane of traffic for repairs, and touch its mirror with mine such that my passenger side window exploded. Which cost $250 to replace. And the bus was apparently damaged. And a fellow claimed he got glass in his eye even though he was on the other side of the van and considerably lower down and the reporting officer was "skeptical". My passport request in April resulted in a counter-request while we were on the road for extensive additional information which was packed in storage at home so, when we got home, my packet of info crossed their "never mind - you'll have to pay $150 and start again" letter in the post. I have airline tickets for next Monday October 29th to work in Canada. The bureaucracy and paperwork cascade following all this has made other activities than working and lurching around catching up almost impossible. How are you?"
As yet another hearer became more and more horrified with this brief version of the last several months, mumbled sympathetic noises and went away shoulders slumped, I reflected that this process didn't seem to be serving anyone. I've been operating under the mistaken assumption that speaking of suffering was in almost all cases a good idea. As the litany gets longer and longer it would seem like a comic set-up if it were happening within the confines of a shaggy dog story, sit-com, or stand-up act. A concrete person saying these things is mostly an assault on the soft places in thehuman heart. Talking has probably reached the limit of its usefulness. I'm tired of most folks I know wincing in anticipation of another addition to the list whenever they see me coming. So no more.
I asked my father for specific advice, a practice more or less unheard of and, in all his spiritual, therapeutic, and academic wanderings, I wondered, what had he learned of sparking life-shifts when some pattern had passed beyond being profoundly burdensome. He suggested (paraphrased) that I do everything in my power to minimize the things I can control as soon as possible and simplify parts of my life wherever possible in order to have more bandwidth to deal with sudden attacks from without. Seems a good idea. A significant part of me is beginning to disavow my responsibility in this cascade, which is against my religion. The question is not do I have influence here, but which parts of this can be brought under beneficent influence.
So I got my hair cut. Time for a costume change, hacking off what remains of my history (you are what you eat > hair is extruded protein > long hair is a metaphorical and literal record of whatever has gone before). I didn't lop off my hair during Aidan's Funeral and send it to be burned with his body just because he spent so much time riding me and sleeping with his hands in it. Every meal and nap and body transition we shared was in that hair and I want to hang on to any part of him I can for as long as I can. However, if this is in any way connected to my current dilemmas, and I'm not sure about it either way, I'm willing to experiment with altering parts of my experiential system. It will also probably help me get hired. In San Francisco I got flirted with by members of both genders, nobody got out of my way as I walked down the street, and I seem to have suddenly become more approachable. Fascinating.
Our van was stolen, emptied of it's most valuable contents and then recovered in time for me to pass too close to an AC Transit Bus parked in the only lane of traffic for repairs, and touch its mirror with mine such that my passenger side window exploded. Which cost $250 to replace. And the bus was apparently damaged. And a fellow claimed he got glass in his eye even though he was on the other side of the van and considerably lower down and the reporting officer was "skeptical". My passport request in April resulted in a counter-request while we were on the road for extensive additional information which was packed in storage at home so, when we got home, my packet of info crossed their "never mind - you'll have to pay $150 and start again" letter in the post. I have airline tickets for next Monday October 29th to work in Canada. The bureaucracy and paperwork cascade following all this has made other activities than working and lurching around catching up almost impossible. How are you?"
As yet another hearer became more and more horrified with this brief version of the last several months, mumbled sympathetic noises and went away shoulders slumped, I reflected that this process didn't seem to be serving anyone. I've been operating under the mistaken assumption that speaking of suffering was in almost all cases a good idea. As the litany gets longer and longer it would seem like a comic set-up if it were happening within the confines of a shaggy dog story, sit-com, or stand-up act. A concrete person saying these things is mostly an assault on the soft places in thehuman heart. Talking has probably reached the limit of its usefulness. I'm tired of most folks I know wincing in anticipation of another addition to the list whenever they see me coming. So no more.
I asked my father for specific advice, a practice more or less unheard of and, in all his spiritual, therapeutic, and academic wanderings, I wondered, what had he learned of sparking life-shifts when some pattern had passed beyond being profoundly burdensome. He suggested (paraphrased) that I do everything in my power to minimize the things I can control as soon as possible and simplify parts of my life wherever possible in order to have more bandwidth to deal with sudden attacks from without. Seems a good idea. A significant part of me is beginning to disavow my responsibility in this cascade, which is against my religion. The question is not do I have influence here, but which parts of this can be brought under beneficent influence.
So I got my hair cut. Time for a costume change, hacking off what remains of my history (you are what you eat > hair is extruded protein > long hair is a metaphorical and literal record of whatever has gone before). I didn't lop off my hair during Aidan's Funeral and send it to be burned with his body just because he spent so much time riding me and sleeping with his hands in it. Every meal and nap and body transition we shared was in that hair and I want to hang on to any part of him I can for as long as I can. However, if this is in any way connected to my current dilemmas, and I'm not sure about it either way, I'm willing to experiment with altering parts of my experiential system. It will also probably help me get hired. In San Francisco I got flirted with by members of both genders, nobody got out of my way as I walked down the street, and I seem to have suddenly become more approachable. Fascinating.
I highly recommend Joyce Hair Design (http://www.yelp.com/biz/S63wjabcaTsp_Fzo8xwOnQ) There is a clear conflict of interest in writing a recommendation for a "secret among friends." Granted the desire to promote a sterling businesswoman trumps this conflict, but the dilemma persists, so please tell all your friends to go but with the caveat that it mustn't be during the same shift I am trying to find parking and get my extruded protein managed.Joyce has that rare combination of top scores in each of the qualities I consider that can generate a highest rating. Capacity (relational, technical, and artistic), Accessibility (excellent location that presents no barriers to a good experience), and price ($18 + tip). Above all else, it is immediately evident that her primary desire and capacity is to make your head, the focus of the way humans initially perceive and remember each other, attractive. She really cares how you look, not just because it makes her look good and brings in recommendations but because it makes her happy. I asked Eric Winters where he got his excellent cut and he happened to have one of her cards on him. Now I do as well. THE REAL DEAL.
In other news...
Association Building Community's Special Purpose
Despite the rather ghostly reality governing our shared process at the moment, I realized I still carry an assumption that Beamish Process Arts, Inc. d.b.a Association Building Community (BPABC, or just ABC) carries unique and important mythic cargo, some pieces of the emerging, communitarian world view that are impossible, or at least very difficult, to find elsewhere. I think this is true of many other organizations as well but I am hunting our specific pieces in conscious opposition to the voice that says "we haven't made a noticable difference yet. What could we have to offer?" As we make decisions about whether to continue, I've been searching where I usually search for evidence of this kind of thing - in our story.
One piece of this became clearer to me on reading in a good friend and colleague's email:
went to a spiritual and activism exploration kind of thing today...why
do i do this?
was actually crying to think i spent so much time traveling to it....in
NYC. really nice people, nice speaker, but woe woe woe. does every one
have to try and reinvent the wheel, or at least think that they are
onto a New Idea?
ok ok ok.
When I tell people stories about ABC I often mention that we are oldish. I am the only member of our group under fifty-five and the others have been a part of either the upper management corporate world or peace and community activism since before The 60s in Berkeley were the 60s. There is a strong refrain in our history and dialogue that emerges from a history of disappointment with perfectly sound efforts to make peace or some related meaningful difference undermined by poor process despite existing expertise and stated commitments otherwise, by friction that could have led to self discovery and innovation but led instead to dissolution and even betrayal of partners and purpose.
There is something essential in a council of elders who have Been There and won't easily tolerate repetitions of those dilemmas, if we can gather young energy as well dedicated to building community on purpose and if we can still move forward through our fears that we won't have enough time and listening and clear enough communication to be faithful to our callings This Time.
When I go to progressive conferences to record them I study the form, content, and participants for traces of the developing Process Arts underlying our emerging world myth. A part of me despairs of getting paid for my real gift but wants to offer it anyway - an independent (third party), ongoing, facilitated, autocritical process that is a sophisticated debrief, inviting all voices to be heard before, during, and after. There are so many important developments missed or misunderstood which could be captured and understood if there were Process Arts in play throughout these "progressive" events. Otherwise "alternative" luminaries are satisfied with their own process savvy but don't identify the practice of the Process Arts as a whole as a value, therefore it sneaks in "by the way" in the same way that community is simply expected to happen when people get together, even when those involved know from experience it must be built on purpose at the cultural level. Still there is "no time for process" they've got to "focus on targets and goals"...and other corporatisms that keep all voices from coming forth and keep us repeating the same old shit woe woe woe.
It is the same dilemma John Abbe articulated so well while addressing the issue of the use of technology during the Nexus for Change events, thus far held once in Bowling Green, OH.
do i do this?
was actually crying to think i spent so much time traveling to it....in
NYC. really nice people, nice speaker, but woe woe woe. does every one
have to try and reinvent the wheel, or at least think that they are
onto a New Idea?
ok ok ok.
When I tell people stories about ABC I often mention that we are oldish. I am the only member of our group under fifty-five and the others have been a part of either the upper management corporate world or peace and community activism since before The 60s in Berkeley were the 60s. There is a strong refrain in our history and dialogue that emerges from a history of disappointment with perfectly sound efforts to make peace or some related meaningful difference undermined by poor process despite existing expertise and stated commitments otherwise, by friction that could have led to self discovery and innovation but led instead to dissolution and even betrayal of partners and purpose.
There is something essential in a council of elders who have Been There and won't easily tolerate repetitions of those dilemmas, if we can gather young energy as well dedicated to building community on purpose and if we can still move forward through our fears that we won't have enough time and listening and clear enough communication to be faithful to our callings This Time.
When I go to progressive conferences to record them I study the form, content, and participants for traces of the developing Process Arts underlying our emerging world myth. A part of me despairs of getting paid for my real gift but wants to offer it anyway - an independent (third party), ongoing, facilitated, autocritical process that is a sophisticated debrief, inviting all voices to be heard before, during, and after. There are so many important developments missed or misunderstood which could be captured and understood if there were Process Arts in play throughout these "progressive" events. Otherwise "alternative" luminaries are satisfied with their own process savvy but don't identify the practice of the Process Arts as a whole as a value, therefore it sneaks in "by the way" in the same way that community is simply expected to happen when people get together, even when those involved know from experience it must be built on purpose at the cultural level. Still there is "no time for process" they've got to "focus on targets and goals"...and other corporatisms that keep all voices from coming forth and keep us repeating the same old shit woe woe woe.
It is the same dilemma John Abbe articulated so well while addressing the issue of the use of technology during the Nexus for Change events, thus far held once in Bowling Green, OH.
| I agree with what Gabriel said, "Technology must serve the purpose of the event," *and* want to call our attention to the fact that some of what is being offered here is not simply technology, but processes (eg wiki) with their own history and philosophy, every bit as deep and powerful as, say, Open Space. So one could just as well say, "Open Space must serve the purpose of the event." This points to how we might modify pure Open Space - or wiki - to serve the event, and to the idea that we choose some processes because of the values they embody, and we may want to stick with them even if (maybe even because of how) they stimulate discomfort, and may involve some learning for conference participants. |
One may as well say "the event must serve" or "processes must serve the event" at which point you run the risk of making a statement so general that it becomes a platitude. Time for process (deep listening/dialogue/deliberation/etc), as an art, for its own sake is a cultural value cultivated in the presence of the inescapable. There will be a way that we are doing things. Process Arts simply make structure, method, and critique as conscious as can be arranged. Process time is not an option. It is not a question of if there will be structural choices but of how they will be made - habit, design, etc. Nexus is already using technology, so it is not an if proposition. The question is how to do that so that it serves best and sparkles most beautifully.
The question is ever: how to prepare and then authentically process difference and parallels such that "progress" doesn't simply rehearse the same tired and ever present power dynamics? I think it has to do with Elder voices, but in the literal older folk and inside the younger ones of us who have suffered set-backs and loss and have learned a bit of how to grieve. It is from that place that conflict may be practiced and processed with integrity and centered dynamism.
Up(&)coming
This Wednesday I'll help record the beginning of the Foundation for Human Enrichment's "First International Annual Somatic Experiencing® Conference" at the Claremont in Berkeley. I'll be at the Pangea conference Th-Fr solo recording and video taping their work toward pediatric wellness. Then it is on to Vancouver for BMC software's monster annual do. I'll be in Canada Oct 29-Nov 3.
Labels: ABC, Aidan, daily, grief
| posted by Unknown @ 10/22/2007 10:31:00 PM
Others' Responses to Tragedy, Crisis, and Grief
"I wish there were words to comfort and fix, there just aren't any. Know that things are what they are for a reason - which is unknown. That is the mystery. If any of us had a crystal ball to see what lie ahead, I wonder if we would even be willing to proceed...perhaps that is the reason for mystery. In times like these, it would be comforting to have a crystal ball to see what good lies ahead - certainly, it must be closer than we think..."
"Like Job you have suffered much for reasons beyond the scope of comprehension. Thank you for sharing how it really is for you right now as you hold the loss of Aidan's physical presence with the challenges of your current world. Love"
"I am profoundly grateful to see the videos of Aidan. Thank you, thank you. Your latest chapter left me drenched in tears, outraged, astounded and finally, resolute."
Not asking for anything - just needing to write.
Really tired of writing stuff like this.
Even more tired of living it.
"Amen to that last sentiment...blessing on you."Really tired of writing stuff like this.
Even more tired of living it.
"I'm so sorry to hear that! As usual... words, words, words... please tell me if I can help!"
"Sending you and Lisa some good energy. I know you weren't looking or asking for a reply, just wanted to show my support by acknowledging I read your email. And that you are being
heard. Blessings"
"Just wanted you to know that you and Lisa are both very present in my heart. Aidan has been on my mind a lot lately as well, knowing that his birthday was yesturday and the one year anniversary of his passing is just around the corner. I can't believe it's been a year since we celebrated his first birthday in the park. Please let me know if I can do anything to help given
Serenity's absence. If you need a truck for moving anything, you're more than welcome to mine.
I hope to see you on the mat this week."
"O Lord have mercy!
You must be working very close to the bone for these outrageous assaults on your consciousness to go on and on. You’ve threatened the Cosmic Devil, exposed The Lie Itself to be crucified so slowly.
On the Mat
the devil of inherited distortion to daily joust with
the devil of slander, misunderstanding and reputation assassination
the devil of rejection and isolation
the devil of financial need
the devils of death and grief and stealing of comfort and transportation
all of them assault you at once and at length, but the Breath of God and The Way of Peace use their momentum against them!
Nothing can separate you from your Center –neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither present nor future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
You many be weary, weary, weary but you are not separated.
Think on the love that is yours
and laugh at the human condition. Do some serious laughing."
"I really am at a loss for words. However, I will say the following.
YOU AND LISA DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS!!!!
I really can't comprehend why terrible things happen to good people. The Creator and I have had some long conversations about these situations and I still don't understand!
I know that none of what I have written so far is of much comfort. Wish I had the power to go back in time and change past events for you and so many others. Praying that you get well soon and your stolen Serenity is returned soon with nothing missing."
i had a candle lit all yesterday and was sending good energy y'all's way. i got mixed up and thought that monday was aidan's birthday when it was sunday, but probably you could have used the prayers regardless. take care of yourselves!
i had a candle lit all yesterday and was sending good energy y'all's way. i got mixed up and thought that monday was aidan's birthday when it was sunday, but probably you could have used the prayers regardless. take care of yourselves!
Thank you for providing such a stunning example of fully realizing and dimensioning obstacles, losses and disappointments, instead of pretending they aren't there. That is most certainly the first step. Sometimes, for me, the second step is "How do I feel about how I feel (about my disappointment, loss, failure, obstacle)." And if this doesn't present a solution, in about thirty seconds, I ask "How do I feel about how I feel (about that disappointment)" and so forth. Eventually a solution usually comes forth, like Einstein presenting an apple. Thank you for writing from the heart.
The videos of Aidan are beautiful and precious. Of course there are no words to really express the beauty of them and of him. One thing that I think I believe (I guess my beliefs change daily/yearly/over lifetimes) is that everyone we encounter has something to teach us, if we listen with our hearts and learn. I know that Aidan has taught you and Lisa many things - this is so apparent. But, he must have been so much more "special" than we, as humans, can almost comprehend, because he must have been needed elsewhere urgently, to teach his lessons. You and Lisa have obviously been good "students" of little Aidan and have graduated his lessons of this earthly life. So empty are words, though, in the midst of greatness. Greatness both of blessing and of loss.
No steady half-time job yet, though I'm grateful to Huston Smith and Kayla Feder for their recommendations. I'm also grateful to Iris McGinnis for In-Home Support work, Jim Shultz for informal pick-up work improving his properties, and Richard Page for conference recording work. We were just in D.C. recording the hugely important information being lectured on at International Forum on Globalization where I learned from Ann Leonard about her new 20 minute film that is the best quick and clear outline of the Triple Crisis (Climate change, peak oil, global resource depletion & extinction) I've ever seen. It will be streamed in about a month and I'll send out a link when I have one. I got around six hours of time-zone crunched sleep a night and, upon returning, was stupid enough to not only work every day but stay up nights to try to get the new apartment ready for my birthday gathering. For me no sleep = sick.
Friday I had finished helping Huston and Kendra Smith for the day, then gave more computer help and had lunch and process time with Leon Regelson. Continuing to feel profoundly under the weather, I returned home and parked just around the corner from our apartment before calling Kayla Sensei at Aikido of Berkeley and asking for someone else to teach my Saturday morning class, as I would be in bed all day.
After being in bed most of yesterday I discovered a huge bank disaster. I decided a bit of a walk might help and stumbled out of the door with the dog to find that Serenity, our van and walkabout home, had been stolen off the street. Our neighbor heard it start up and watched it drive away a couple of hours after I parked it. It took Officer Golden of the Berkeley P.D. longer to show up to take the report because of two homicides.
There appears to be a chance the vehicle might be recovered. It might even have some or all of the stuff in it we had loaded to go to storage: the photos from our wedding and of our family, the silver heirloom pitcher given to Lisa as a wedding gift by my grandmother Martha Craig just before she died, the hakama given me as a present by the dojo, and so much more.
Today would have been Aidan's 2nd birthday.
I have spent it mostly as planned: alone, either enraged or watering the Wasteland or both, working on Aidan related recordings, photos, and videos I have been avoiding. I'll try to post some of it online soon, in case you are interested.
Being one of The Good Guys doesn't mean you win.
Sorry to ruin the suspense, if there still was any.
It just means that you don't have to avoid mirrors.
Not asking for anything - just needing to write.
Really tired of writing stuff like this.
Even more tired of living it.
Friday I had finished helping Huston and Kendra Smith for the day, then gave more computer help and had lunch and process time with Leon Regelson. Continuing to feel profoundly under the weather, I returned home and parked just around the corner from our apartment before calling Kayla Sensei at Aikido of Berkeley and asking for someone else to teach my Saturday morning class, as I would be in bed all day.
After being in bed most of yesterday I discovered a huge bank disaster. I decided a bit of a walk might help and stumbled out of the door with the dog to find that Serenity, our van and walkabout home, had been stolen off the street. Our neighbor heard it start up and watched it drive away a couple of hours after I parked it. It took Officer Golden of the Berkeley P.D. longer to show up to take the report because of two homicides.
There appears to be a chance the vehicle might be recovered. It might even have some or all of the stuff in it we had loaded to go to storage: the photos from our wedding and of our family, the silver heirloom pitcher given to Lisa as a wedding gift by my grandmother Martha Craig just before she died, the hakama given me as a present by the dojo, and so much more.
Today would have been Aidan's 2nd birthday.
I have spent it mostly as planned: alone, either enraged or watering the Wasteland or both, working on Aidan related recordings, photos, and videos I have been avoiding. I'll try to post some of it online soon, in case you are interested.
Being one of The Good Guys doesn't mean you win.
Sorry to ruin the suspense, if there still was any.
It just means that you don't have to avoid mirrors.
Not asking for anything - just needing to write.
Really tired of writing stuff like this.
Even more tired of living it.
Labels: Aidan, daily, death, grief, money, sick, theft
| posted by Unknown @ 9/23/2007 10:11:00 PM
The Dissertation has taken a turn for the better. I realized, as I was very slowly forcing myself to fill in the blanks of my consultant's outline, that I was writing her idea of my work. Thus the forcing. So I have reshaped the outline to fit my basic premises and am flowing nicely now. Making much better progress, still pricked onward by the fear of failure and shame at being so windy (read as winding - twists and turns - as well as too much wind). It is important to have authentic and traditional motivations, like fear and shame, to drive one onward.
But seriously folks, I realized at a different level the necessity of setting myself up for success by paying real and careful attention to what hasn't and doesn't work for me. Hereafter I'll follow Dennis Slattery's instruction to "write like you are writing an email" so the audience can understand what the heck I'm saying. Extending the context of his comment, I'd best do what I love to do - outline clearly and write shorter pieces (one clear page or two at a time) for prompt release (requires clarity in the first draft rather than curly wandering for later revisions) towards the creation of websites and the like. Like a blog! How many people within the range of this would be willing to read stuff faithfully and tell me
Without, the environment has felt much like my internal weather since December.
The sky has been pouring so much liquid on Texas of late that the Trinity River in Dallas is WAY out of its banks and filling every nook and cranny from levy to levy.
And the rest of North Texas ain't much better off.
We have a history of that, you see (the `08 in this particular case refers to 100 years ago),
but many different reactions to the thunder, lightning, and roaring firmament.
I highly recommend a visit to the Meghan-Val-Isaiah blog. Val is way out beyond cute.
"He claps and dance-dances to music fists waving. He can find the moon in the sky at night and points." I love that boy. Val is absolutely The Most.
I miss Aidan so much my stomach balls up and feels like a lead weight beneath every beating of my heart. There is nothing more precious than a child, and one who can point at the moon is no longer "a child" but The Child, the one who knows where your moon is and without whom pointing becomes pointless for quite some time.
Missing the point,
B
But seriously folks, I realized at a different level the necessity of setting myself up for success by paying real and careful attention to what hasn't and doesn't work for me. Hereafter I'll follow Dennis Slattery's instruction to "write like you are writing an email" so the audience can understand what the heck I'm saying. Extending the context of his comment, I'd best do what I love to do - outline clearly and write shorter pieces (one clear page or two at a time) for prompt release (requires clarity in the first draft rather than curly wandering for later revisions) towards the creation of websites and the like. Like a blog! How many people within the range of this would be willing to read stuff faithfully and tell me
- Does it make sense?
- Does it fit, given what has gone before?
- Does it support what I said I would support?
- Does it set up what I say is coming and make you want to read on?
Without, the environment has felt much like my internal weather since December.
The sky has been pouring so much liquid on Texas of late that the Trinity River in Dallas is WAY out of its banks and filling every nook and cranny from levy to levy.
What it looks like at the moment:
What it usually looks like:
And the rest of North Texas ain't much better off.
We have a history of that, you see (the `08 in this particular case refers to 100 years ago),
but many different reactions to the thunder, lightning, and roaring firmament.
I highly recommend a visit to the Meghan-Val-Isaiah blog. Val is way out beyond cute.
"He claps and dance-dances to music fists waving. He can find the moon in the sky at night and points." I love that boy. Val is absolutely The Most.
I miss Aidan so much my stomach balls up and feels like a lead weight beneath every beating of my heart. There is nothing more precious than a child, and one who can point at the moon is no longer "a child" but The Child, the one who knows where your moon is and without whom pointing becomes pointless for quite some time.
Missing the point,
B
Labels: daily, Dallas, diss, family, flood, grief, kin, travel, VK
| posted by Unknown @ 6/28/2007 10:02:00 AM
A core tension underlying this trip is the need to spend time with precious people juxtaposed with the need to imbue an authorial hermitage with impregnable solitude and make Headway. At the moment the work seems like dry flats, an endless expanse of scattered textual crumbs, punctuated by very infrequent shrubs of meaningful progress. I feel a bit desperate in the face of struggles with my own will and distractions from without which, most often, are done a disservice by being labeled as such.
Against that emotional background I went to Kessler Park United Methodist Church for Father's Day. I facilitated the Sojourners Sunday School class, suggesting more conscious work with the consequences of ideas, myth as lens, delaying true/false determinations, holding ambiguity, religion as martial art, working with scripture as a weaving of voices within which some whispers of the divine may be found. I didn't have time to mic everybody so this recording (below) is an edit mostly restricted to what I said, with a couple of contributions by participants to give context.
powered by ODEO
After class I sat between my Mom and Lisa through the service in which the children were sent to pass out a boutonnière to their Papa. Intellectually I know I fit in the criteria "all those who are, or have been a father, or like a father to someone", but I couldn't manage to strap on a red carnation. Then I got up to solo while they passed the plate.
Then we were taken to a lovely lunch at La Aldea by a friend and benefactor, Marvin Harkins.
In the afternoon, a call from Russ Alvey (Sensei, Dojo Cho at North Texas Aikido) gave us the delightful opportunity to down a pint at Trinity Hall Irish Pub at Mockingbird Station while hearing him, and several equally accomplished others, deliver some excellent Celtic folk. This recording is just a snippet with no attributions, thereby bowing to the preference of a performer, as it should be. His son, Ian, previously featured in my life's simulcast as a squat, pudgy pre-teen, now a 6'4" male model, came to hear him play and promised to join us for training at North Texas Aikido sometime soon.
powered by ODEO
Then we went to see my Dad and step-mom, Julie for dinner. All photos of Lisa and I, and of Aidan, have been removed from the surfaces crowded by family photographs of children and their babies. The food was fabulous. As always, we listened to some of the best music ever recorded. When I asked to rip a CD Dad felt moved to condescend and take me to task for stealing software and music. The game does belong to the Lord, after all. Feeling beyond tired of modeling conflict skills I did my best to fade from view for the remainder of the evening as we heard how a 21 day water fast can teach that the point of yoga is to learn that, where the body is concerned, the Mind is boss. Heady stuff. Then got blamed on the way home for the tension in the evening.
Happy Daddy Day.
End of rant.
Today will certainly be better. If I don't write for several hours I may jump out the window and Up onto street level. That'll show 'em.
In other news...
Joannie sent me a great story about the way Aikido helped her work with an uncomfortable situation "out there" in the "Real" world. Click here to find it on the AiBerk blog.
Gilead as it should probably sound.
The church newsletter report on the Sunday's Sojourner class I facilitated, written by an entirely objective reporter - my Mother...
Against that emotional background I went to Kessler Park United Methodist Church for Father's Day. I facilitated the Sojourners Sunday School class, suggesting more conscious work with the consequences of ideas, myth as lens, delaying true/false determinations, holding ambiguity, religion as martial art, working with scripture as a weaving of voices within which some whispers of the divine may be found. I didn't have time to mic everybody so this recording (below) is an edit mostly restricted to what I said, with a couple of contributions by participants to give context.
powered by ODEO
After class I sat between my Mom and Lisa through the service in which the children were sent to pass out a boutonnière to their Papa. Intellectually I know I fit in the criteria "all those who are, or have been a father, or like a father to someone", but I couldn't manage to strap on a red carnation. Then I got up to solo while they passed the plate.
Refrain
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sicksoul.
1. Sometimes I feel discouraged, and think my work's in vain, but then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again. Refrain
2. Don't ever feel discouraged, for Jesus is your friend, and if you look for knowledge he'll ne'er refuse to lend. Refrain
Then we were taken to a lovely lunch at La Aldea by a friend and benefactor, Marvin Harkins.
In the afternoon, a call from Russ Alvey (Sensei, Dojo Cho at North Texas Aikido) gave us the delightful opportunity to down a pint at Trinity Hall Irish Pub at Mockingbird Station while hearing him, and several equally accomplished others, deliver some excellent Celtic folk. This recording is just a snippet with no attributions, thereby bowing to the preference of a performer, as it should be. His son, Ian, previously featured in my life's simulcast as a squat, pudgy pre-teen, now a 6'4" male model, came to hear him play and promised to join us for training at North Texas Aikido sometime soon.
powered by ODEO
Then we went to see my Dad and step-mom, Julie for dinner. All photos of Lisa and I, and of Aidan, have been removed from the surfaces crowded by family photographs of children and their babies. The food was fabulous. As always, we listened to some of the best music ever recorded. When I asked to rip a CD Dad felt moved to condescend and take me to task for stealing software and music. The game does belong to the Lord, after all. Feeling beyond tired of modeling conflict skills I did my best to fade from view for the remainder of the evening as we heard how a 21 day water fast can teach that the point of yoga is to learn that, where the body is concerned, the Mind is boss. Heady stuff. Then got blamed on the way home for the tension in the evening.
Happy Daddy Day.
End of rant.
Today will certainly be better. If I don't write for several hours I may jump out the window and Up onto street level. That'll show 'em.
In other news...
Joannie sent me a great story about the way Aikido helped her work with an uncomfortable situation "out there" in the "Real" world. Click here to find it on the AiBerk blog.
Gilead as it should probably sound.
The church newsletter report on the Sunday's Sojourner class I facilitated, written by an entirely objective reporter - my Mother...
Sunday was brimful of blessings. Laurel brought her friend, Marcie, and she promised to return. Stephanie was in town and Pamela was back. We missed Nan, Helen Francis, Mike and the Bernards---Tom was with his mother and the Wagenbachs are up east. Our guest teacher was Brandon WilliamsCraig, child of Oak Cliff and resident of Berkeley, Ca. We sprang off the block with our lesson writer's statement, "Unlike the Israelites of Hosea's day, we generally do not view national tragedies as God's judgment." Our teacher said what we were thinking, "We don't??" What IS our story about judgment? We can't leave Lesson Two in this series. It's purpose is "to examine how divine judgment is neither punishment nor vengeance but an expression of God's faithfulness and truth" --- in 45 minutes? He challenged us ---Do we have a working 'shared narrative'? Who is 'we'? There is no question that our "narratives" shape us --our thoughts, actions, our culture. Brandon gave us a tiny taste of how the thinking martial artist waits before an ideation of God, alert and open to wonder; how little we are tolerating the ambiguity or considering the quality of our practice of dialogue - the authentic conflict of ideas. He led us into a sparkling forest of ideas. We even got silent; asked him to teach next week; held onto him with our need and made him late to worship. Oh, delicious sojourning!
Labels: AiBerk, Aikido, audio, Father, grief, student, teach
| posted by Unknown @ 6/18/2007 11:36:00 AM
Surreal, or the Outskirts of the Real?
It's a beautiful day outside in Medford, OR.
Mom (Paula Craig) and I drove half an hour north to Grant's Pass (Grant's Pants) to see beloved cousins (only neice to my Grandfather Paul) Gene and Betty (Ann) Meier. She is struggling with bronchitis and he has new (two weeks) hearing aids, and both are rather surprised to discover themselves in their early eighties. We haven't seen each other since the Christmas of Paula and David's divorce when my grandparents, Paul and Martha Craig, shipped Paula, Meghan, and me off to spend the holidays with the Craigs and Meiers in the latter's home in Huntington Beach (L.A.). Meghan remembers us as 12 and 6 years old. She's probably right. Since then, Betty and Gene moved to Prescott AZ, and then built in a gated community in Grant's Pass "across the river" from their current residence, a lovely but smaller (than 1.5 acres) beautifully furnished home.
I found myself sitting at her bedside, hearing him worry about his sister (nine years older) whom he has just moved from California to a nearby locked facility that can deal with wander- risk dementia cases. She keeps falling but hasn't broken anything yet, which we agree is often the beginning of the end. "That's gotta be the worst way to go," says he. I casually mention, while going through my mother's pictures with them, that "this is our little boy, the one we just lost." On the way home Mom asks if I'm integrating well or just an excellent actor. I'm sure I claimed both, as well as reasonable psychological health. Whatever.
Last night the horizon was issued a citation, with penalties in excess of several million Canadian dollars, for impersonating the best of both Texas' and arctic sunsets. How is beauty of this magnitude still possible?
I gave my Mom a Christmas gift of an mp3 player, so she can carry music with her and control the volume, thereby becoming able to listen to beautiful sounds again. While packing it with some best-of-the-best and inescapable rhythms the "how is this beauty possible" question kept coming up in my heart.
Wise body. Resentful. Holding until the hand cramps and makes hurting impossible to deny or delay (waiting to be entirely alone) entirely.
My mind has no trouble with appreciating how beautiful fragments of life can be, especially on reflection, but my body feels them embedded as shards for all their glistening.
Our last images of Aidan include several from December 4th when he fell against a cabinet door and the pull struck the corner of his mouth which bled and swelled.
The bleeding stopped in almost no time, as usual, but the feeling of having to deal with some profound offense stayed in his body and showed on his face for some time. What to do with pain? Can't make it go away. It insists on itself, and on time. It insists and imposes and grates away some soft, innocent parts to which the body was attached.
In profound discomfort he is a toddler, a "big boy", and no longer a baby here. He looks so much older to me than when he was so small in my arms, looking up into my face, falling into sleep slung in my pouch, walking with the dog under the moon, staff in hand through the cooling night.
This is our little boy, the one we just lost.
I don't want to stop my faithful hurting.
I want my boy back.
I want my boy back.
Labels: aging, Aidan, dying, family, grief, Shepherd
| posted by Unknown @ 12/29/2006 02:32:00 PM
