Exposing the beginnings
You can find a pre-pre-rough draft of Ch 1 "Process Arts" at http://culturopoiesis.blogspot.com/2007/06/ch-1-process-arts-pre-pre-rough-draft.html
If you have limited time please wait until it is more finished or just comment on the first part that is better fleshed out. In the long run I could really use some consistent attention on the versions as they change, if any of you have the desire.
Below is the video of my Yodan demonstration at Aikido of Berkeley.
Below is a video of my demonstration at Sunset Cliffs Aikido during the California Aikido Association Division One Gasshuku.
Please let me know your feelings, thoughts, etc. Any response is welcome.
Labels: demo, diss Ch1 processarts aikido video
| posted by Unknown @ 6/30/2007 03:51:00 PM
Happy Anniversary to my beloved brother and sister!
Lisa and I are looking forward to seeing Isaiah and Meghan soon, so with The Mom we managed this rendition of one of the Grandparents Craig favorite love songs to sing to each other.
And snuck it onto their blog!
This is the mirror site, in case their's doesn't work for some reason.
Click on the small arrow button above to hear us sing "Always" for Meg and Isaiah's anniversary.
May their delightful days be as long and as memorable as the coolest couple anyone knows. The only rub is...that would be them anyway. It was the greatest of honors to be one of Isaiah's groomsmen.
This is the mirror site, in case their's doesn't work for some reason.
Click on the small arrow button above to hear us sing "Always" for Meg and Isaiah's anniversary.
May their delightful days be as long and as memorable as the coolest couple anyone knows. The only rub is...that would be them anyway. It was the greatest of honors to be one of Isaiah's groomsmen.
I & M, YOU ARE LOVED!
Labels: anniversary, celebration, family, gift, Isaiah, kin, Meghan, music, song
| posted by Unknown @ 6/28/2007 09:52:00 PM
The Dissertation has taken a turn for the better. I realized, as I was very slowly forcing myself to fill in the blanks of my consultant's outline, that I was writing her idea of my work. Thus the forcing. So I have reshaped the outline to fit my basic premises and am flowing nicely now. Making much better progress, still pricked onward by the fear of failure and shame at being so windy (read as winding - twists and turns - as well as too much wind). It is important to have authentic and traditional motivations, like fear and shame, to drive one onward.
But seriously folks, I realized at a different level the necessity of setting myself up for success by paying real and careful attention to what hasn't and doesn't work for me. Hereafter I'll follow Dennis Slattery's instruction to "write like you are writing an email" so the audience can understand what the heck I'm saying. Extending the context of his comment, I'd best do what I love to do - outline clearly and write shorter pieces (one clear page or two at a time) for prompt release (requires clarity in the first draft rather than curly wandering for later revisions) towards the creation of websites and the like. Like a blog! How many people within the range of this would be willing to read stuff faithfully and tell me
Without, the environment has felt much like my internal weather since December.
The sky has been pouring so much liquid on Texas of late that the Trinity River in Dallas is WAY out of its banks and filling every nook and cranny from levy to levy.
And the rest of North Texas ain't much better off.
We have a history of that, you see (the `08 in this particular case refers to 100 years ago),
but many different reactions to the thunder, lightning, and roaring firmament.
I highly recommend a visit to the Meghan-Val-Isaiah blog. Val is way out beyond cute.
"He claps and dance-dances to music fists waving. He can find the moon in the sky at night and points." I love that boy. Val is absolutely The Most.
I miss Aidan so much my stomach balls up and feels like a lead weight beneath every beating of my heart. There is nothing more precious than a child, and one who can point at the moon is no longer "a child" but The Child, the one who knows where your moon is and without whom pointing becomes pointless for quite some time.
Missing the point,
B
But seriously folks, I realized at a different level the necessity of setting myself up for success by paying real and careful attention to what hasn't and doesn't work for me. Hereafter I'll follow Dennis Slattery's instruction to "write like you are writing an email" so the audience can understand what the heck I'm saying. Extending the context of his comment, I'd best do what I love to do - outline clearly and write shorter pieces (one clear page or two at a time) for prompt release (requires clarity in the first draft rather than curly wandering for later revisions) towards the creation of websites and the like. Like a blog! How many people within the range of this would be willing to read stuff faithfully and tell me
- Does it make sense?
- Does it fit, given what has gone before?
- Does it support what I said I would support?
- Does it set up what I say is coming and make you want to read on?
Without, the environment has felt much like my internal weather since December.
The sky has been pouring so much liquid on Texas of late that the Trinity River in Dallas is WAY out of its banks and filling every nook and cranny from levy to levy.
What it looks like at the moment:
What it usually looks like:
And the rest of North Texas ain't much better off.
We have a history of that, you see (the `08 in this particular case refers to 100 years ago),
but many different reactions to the thunder, lightning, and roaring firmament.
I highly recommend a visit to the Meghan-Val-Isaiah blog. Val is way out beyond cute.
"He claps and dance-dances to music fists waving. He can find the moon in the sky at night and points." I love that boy. Val is absolutely The Most.
I miss Aidan so much my stomach balls up and feels like a lead weight beneath every beating of my heart. There is nothing more precious than a child, and one who can point at the moon is no longer "a child" but The Child, the one who knows where your moon is and without whom pointing becomes pointless for quite some time.
Missing the point,
B
Labels: daily, Dallas, diss, family, flood, grief, kin, travel, VK
| posted by Unknown @ 6/28/2007 10:02:00 AM
Big D in June
I write, we train at North Texas Aikido, I write, we hang with family, I write, I walk the dog, I sleep...I write,
I walk with Francisco every evening, jo (staff) in hand to clear the spider webs everywhere, and became rather irritated by the quantity of mosquitoes showing an interest again in my person. Sensing the need, as instructed, for more yondan demonstrating, I decided to act. You try not to use your powers for the dark side but sometimes you just gotta demonstrate your rank and
Where was I?
Oh, yeah, I write. I wax ironically metaphorical. I write,...
We went to a Brave Combo concert at the Dallas Arboretum...
As usual, it ROCKED! PolkandRoll! I thrashed, we cumbia'd, waltzed, polka'd again and again with fans of all ages. Ya gotta love that band.
Carl Finch gave me permission to record and share these. Please reward this kind of generosity with attendance and CD purchases and the like. Tell them it matters.
powered by ODEO
The first set was my mike and distorted a bit.
powered by ODEO
The second was off the board and distorted more. I'll do better at Ashkenaz in Berkeley in August.
I write and go to free Tai Chi at the DMA, I write, we hang with friends, I write, ...
Chris and Tatiana Wicke came to the Lion's Club Fish Fry Fundraiser
(say that 5 times fast - ok, now in Swahili). We played Frisbee with abandon (one of my other acquaintances from my time in the asylum), and went home to play Apples to Apples, a most excellent and highly recommended game. I've missed Chris since we were roommates. Now I'll miss Tatiana too. Dang it.Lisa has begun taking dictation to help me out when only talking it through helps. You gotta know that takes serious patience and no little humor.
powered by ODEO
Even so I can't seem to get this dissertation to any place near where it needs to be.
I write, I struggle to not be too depressed, I write, I fear failure, I write, ..
The rain is pouring down again and I should turn on some lights. I can't see, you see. It's dark.
Labels: audio, daily, diss, kith
| posted by Unknown @ 6/26/2007 11:37:00 AM
Ideal Employment
Why not dream where other folks can see it? These vocational ideas are useful fictions that help me get at paths I imagine can lead to my best work.
- Co-founder, Guardians of Peace Project, entering the public forum to raise funds and build the professional partnership of conflict facilitators who train, provide training for, and recruit those called to do conflict well as a vocation so the building of community results in a world that expects to serve everyone in it.
- Vice President in charge of facilitating Community Building for a professional concern that imagines humans as more than Resources and has the visions and will to create time during (expected) and outside (voluntary) the work day for Healing Friction and Associative Inquiry such that the work-lives of said humans become less stressful and more productive.
- Executive Assistant to You Know Who, that figure in peace activism, community organizing, conflict facilitation, public policy, etc. whose pleasure it is to train and mentor the next generation of leaders and mentors.
- Associate Professor, Cultural and Conflict Studies, developing a Mythological Studies program for a forward looking higher educational institution. Imagine a school that wants what Joseph Campbell did for Sarah Lawrence under the rubric of Literature.
Labels: bdwc, daily, employment, vocation
| posted by Unknown @ 6/23/2007 03:44:00 PM
Oddly Enough - Healer's nude dance rite upsets some..
I don't have much to say. I just had to reproduce the above words in a compensatory move to balance my otherwise clothed and definitely not dancing occupation.
We went to the Dallas Arboretum with David (Dad) and Julie (step-mom) this morning. It was so much more beautiful than I remembered, from visiting some 15 years ago. It is a www (wealthy white women - long before the internet) project decades in the making and has become a true showplace, a museum (like the Federal Parks but moreso) for a Nature that never was and never will be again and is amazingly beautifully crafted. Sorry. The ecopsychology had to creep in. I'm reading David Kidner and I can't help it.
D&J took us to a tasty, Italian lunch place and I bought us desert at Wholefoods. Then back to their place to nosh it and drink their excellent decaf. Then home to do wash and write. Sometimes our family talks non-stop at a pace that uses all my resources, even as I participate in creating that pace. In the moment this makes it almost impossible to object in a thoughtful way when something is being said or created that doesn't feel good. I'm decompressing before writing by writing this. Blogging helps to make process-level comments (how something happened, rather than just what) to an imagined readership when I need to feel heard.
Big thanks, by the by, to Scott Mace from Epworth UMC for uploading digital copies of the Epworth services for me to download and hear. I miss Epworth.
I don't have much to say. I just had to reproduce the above words in a compensatory move to balance my otherwise clothed and definitely not dancing occupation.
We went to the Dallas Arboretum with David (Dad) and Julie (step-mom) this morning. It was so much more beautiful than I remembered, from visiting some 15 years ago. It is a www (wealthy white women - long before the internet) project decades in the making and has become a true showplace, a museum (like the Federal Parks but moreso) for a Nature that never was and never will be again and is amazingly beautifully crafted. Sorry. The ecopsychology had to creep in. I'm reading David Kidner and I can't help it.
D&J took us to a tasty, Italian lunch place and I bought us desert at Wholefoods. Then back to their place to nosh it and drink their excellent decaf. Then home to do wash and write. Sometimes our family talks non-stop at a pace that uses all my resources, even as I participate in creating that pace. In the moment this makes it almost impossible to object in a thoughtful way when something is being said or created that doesn't feel good. I'm decompressing before writing by writing this. Blogging helps to make process-level comments (how something happened, rather than just what) to an imagined readership when I need to feel heard.
Big thanks, by the by, to Scott Mace from Epworth UMC for uploading digital copies of the Epworth services for me to download and hear. I miss Epworth.
Labels: daily, ecology, family, nature
| posted by Unknown @ 6/19/2007 02:40:00 PM
Apparently I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Bard Ranger
Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.
Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Find out What D&D Character You Are, courtesy of Zinious Software corporation
Detailed Results:
Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- X X X X X (5)
Neutral Good ---- X X X X X X X (7)
Chaotic Good ---- X X X X X X X X (8)
Lawful Neutral -- X X X X X (5)
True Neutral ---- X X (2)
Chaotic Neutral - (0)
Lawful Evil ----- (0)
Neutral Evil ---- (-3)
Chaotic Evil ---- (0)
Race:
Human ---- X X X X (4)
Half-Elf - X X (2)
Elf ------ X X X X X X X (7)
Halfling - (-2)
Dwarf ---- X X (2)
Half-Orc - (-2)
Gnome ---- X (1)
Class:
Fighter - (-3)
Ranger -- X X X X X (5)
Paladin - (-1)
Cleric -- (-2)
Mage ---- X X (2)
Druid --- (0)
Thief --- (-2)
Bard ---- X X X X X X X X (8)
Monk ---- X (1)
Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.
Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Find out What D&D Character You Are, courtesy of Zinious Software corporation
Detailed Results:
Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- X X X X X (5)
Neutral Good ---- X X X X X X X (7)
Chaotic Good ---- X X X X X X X X (8)
Lawful Neutral -- X X X X X (5)
True Neutral ---- X X (2)
Chaotic Neutral - (0)
Lawful Evil ----- (0)
Neutral Evil ---- (-3)
Chaotic Evil ---- (0)
Race:
Human ---- X X X X (4)
Half-Elf - X X (2)
Elf ------ X X X X X X X (7)
Halfling - (-2)
Dwarf ---- X X (2)
Half-Orc - (-2)
Gnome ---- X (1)
Class:
Fighter - (-3)
Ranger -- X X X X X (5)
Paladin - (-1)
Cleric -- (-2)
Mage ---- X X (2)
Druid --- (0)
Thief --- (-2)
Bard ---- X X X X X X X X (8)
Monk ---- X (1)
Labels: daily, fun, quiz, typology
| posted by Unknown @ 6/18/2007 08:18:00 PM
A core tension underlying this trip is the need to spend time with precious people juxtaposed with the need to imbue an authorial hermitage with impregnable solitude and make Headway. At the moment the work seems like dry flats, an endless expanse of scattered textual crumbs, punctuated by very infrequent shrubs of meaningful progress. I feel a bit desperate in the face of struggles with my own will and distractions from without which, most often, are done a disservice by being labeled as such.
Against that emotional background I went to Kessler Park United Methodist Church for Father's Day. I facilitated the Sojourners Sunday School class, suggesting more conscious work with the consequences of ideas, myth as lens, delaying true/false determinations, holding ambiguity, religion as martial art, working with scripture as a weaving of voices within which some whispers of the divine may be found. I didn't have time to mic everybody so this recording (below) is an edit mostly restricted to what I said, with a couple of contributions by participants to give context.
powered by ODEO
After class I sat between my Mom and Lisa through the service in which the children were sent to pass out a boutonnière to their Papa. Intellectually I know I fit in the criteria "all those who are, or have been a father, or like a father to someone", but I couldn't manage to strap on a red carnation. Then I got up to solo while they passed the plate.
Then we were taken to a lovely lunch at La Aldea by a friend and benefactor, Marvin Harkins.
In the afternoon, a call from Russ Alvey (Sensei, Dojo Cho at North Texas Aikido) gave us the delightful opportunity to down a pint at Trinity Hall Irish Pub at Mockingbird Station while hearing him, and several equally accomplished others, deliver some excellent Celtic folk. This recording is just a snippet with no attributions, thereby bowing to the preference of a performer, as it should be. His son, Ian, previously featured in my life's simulcast as a squat, pudgy pre-teen, now a 6'4" male model, came to hear him play and promised to join us for training at North Texas Aikido sometime soon.
powered by ODEO
Then we went to see my Dad and step-mom, Julie for dinner. All photos of Lisa and I, and of Aidan, have been removed from the surfaces crowded by family photographs of children and their babies. The food was fabulous. As always, we listened to some of the best music ever recorded. When I asked to rip a CD Dad felt moved to condescend and take me to task for stealing software and music. The game does belong to the Lord, after all. Feeling beyond tired of modeling conflict skills I did my best to fade from view for the remainder of the evening as we heard how a 21 day water fast can teach that the point of yoga is to learn that, where the body is concerned, the Mind is boss. Heady stuff. Then got blamed on the way home for the tension in the evening.
Happy Daddy Day.
End of rant.
Today will certainly be better. If I don't write for several hours I may jump out the window and Up onto street level. That'll show 'em.
In other news...
Joannie sent me a great story about the way Aikido helped her work with an uncomfortable situation "out there" in the "Real" world. Click here to find it on the AiBerk blog.
Gilead as it should probably sound.
The church newsletter report on the Sunday's Sojourner class I facilitated, written by an entirely objective reporter - my Mother...
Against that emotional background I went to Kessler Park United Methodist Church for Father's Day. I facilitated the Sojourners Sunday School class, suggesting more conscious work with the consequences of ideas, myth as lens, delaying true/false determinations, holding ambiguity, religion as martial art, working with scripture as a weaving of voices within which some whispers of the divine may be found. I didn't have time to mic everybody so this recording (below) is an edit mostly restricted to what I said, with a couple of contributions by participants to give context.
powered by ODEO
After class I sat between my Mom and Lisa through the service in which the children were sent to pass out a boutonnière to their Papa. Intellectually I know I fit in the criteria "all those who are, or have been a father, or like a father to someone", but I couldn't manage to strap on a red carnation. Then I got up to solo while they passed the plate.
Refrain
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sicksoul.
1. Sometimes I feel discouraged, and think my work's in vain, but then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again. Refrain
2. Don't ever feel discouraged, for Jesus is your friend, and if you look for knowledge he'll ne'er refuse to lend. Refrain
Then we were taken to a lovely lunch at La Aldea by a friend and benefactor, Marvin Harkins.
In the afternoon, a call from Russ Alvey (Sensei, Dojo Cho at North Texas Aikido) gave us the delightful opportunity to down a pint at Trinity Hall Irish Pub at Mockingbird Station while hearing him, and several equally accomplished others, deliver some excellent Celtic folk. This recording is just a snippet with no attributions, thereby bowing to the preference of a performer, as it should be. His son, Ian, previously featured in my life's simulcast as a squat, pudgy pre-teen, now a 6'4" male model, came to hear him play and promised to join us for training at North Texas Aikido sometime soon.
powered by ODEO
Then we went to see my Dad and step-mom, Julie for dinner. All photos of Lisa and I, and of Aidan, have been removed from the surfaces crowded by family photographs of children and their babies. The food was fabulous. As always, we listened to some of the best music ever recorded. When I asked to rip a CD Dad felt moved to condescend and take me to task for stealing software and music. The game does belong to the Lord, after all. Feeling beyond tired of modeling conflict skills I did my best to fade from view for the remainder of the evening as we heard how a 21 day water fast can teach that the point of yoga is to learn that, where the body is concerned, the Mind is boss. Heady stuff. Then got blamed on the way home for the tension in the evening.
Happy Daddy Day.
End of rant.
Today will certainly be better. If I don't write for several hours I may jump out the window and Up onto street level. That'll show 'em.
In other news...
Joannie sent me a great story about the way Aikido helped her work with an uncomfortable situation "out there" in the "Real" world. Click here to find it on the AiBerk blog.
Gilead as it should probably sound.
The church newsletter report on the Sunday's Sojourner class I facilitated, written by an entirely objective reporter - my Mother...
Sunday was brimful of blessings. Laurel brought her friend, Marcie, and she promised to return. Stephanie was in town and Pamela was back. We missed Nan, Helen Francis, Mike and the Bernards---Tom was with his mother and the Wagenbachs are up east. Our guest teacher was Brandon WilliamsCraig, child of Oak Cliff and resident of Berkeley, Ca. We sprang off the block with our lesson writer's statement, "Unlike the Israelites of Hosea's day, we generally do not view national tragedies as God's judgment." Our teacher said what we were thinking, "We don't??" What IS our story about judgment? We can't leave Lesson Two in this series. It's purpose is "to examine how divine judgment is neither punishment nor vengeance but an expression of God's faithfulness and truth" --- in 45 minutes? He challenged us ---Do we have a working 'shared narrative'? Who is 'we'? There is no question that our "narratives" shape us --our thoughts, actions, our culture. Brandon gave us a tiny taste of how the thinking martial artist waits before an ideation of God, alert and open to wonder; how little we are tolerating the ambiguity or considering the quality of our practice of dialogue - the authentic conflict of ideas. He led us into a sparkling forest of ideas. We even got silent; asked him to teach next week; held onto him with our need and made him late to worship. Oh, delicious sojourning!
Labels: AiBerk, Aikido, audio, Father, grief, student, teach
| posted by Unknown @ 6/18/2007 11:36:00 AM
I am a convention not alike, to be sure, the child who died too soon who might, like his parent, have known his parents so well as to be able to articulate their pain from as near as can be imagined rather than from the more traditional vantage of the external critic.
Why cannot you, my parents and parents' parents, simply pause? One begins, of a day, in the doldrums of a declivity from which, until it has run its course, there is little escape. Perhaps the sky is grey or the weather is a mirror of the memories which cloud today and make the presence of other people inclement. The other begins, as is often the case, full of weighty personal affairs and wanting the time and space for full and uninterrupted consideration thereof, so unusual in any life not lived in leisure. One caught in the undertow of an intimate overcast, the other abstracted by concerns, create the perfect environment for discord, the habits of which lie beneath the surface of everything awaiting but the slimmest suggestion to emerge gale force.
Especially on those days, why take offense at slightest slight and cradle it instead of me? Why hold to your breast indignation at the daily fare of misconstruals and petty disregard which often loving people visit upon each other? Why not object simply and expect and offer humility and apology or, failing that, call cruelty what it is to its face and sail the raging seas with honor and craft? Why cannot you both simply stop when you feel the tide of mutual disregard rising to become a wave? Why devolve, for neither of you lacks consciousness of the approach, into recriminations, cold, disappointed resolves, the chess of veiled threats and machinations, wounded thrusts, and bathetic contests of will woven into flimsy subtexts of petitions for redress of grievances?
Like all my brother and sister conventions I am dead, or will be as this fiction ends. I barely lived, except to make the heart more tender for the breaking that exposes the truth of brevity and the need for compassion. Whether my body is dead, or just my spirit, having learned in tender years to expect cruelty where intimacy is greatest, the honor due me should be sufficient to summon sufficient shame to diminish at least your willingness to chew upon one another as though for the nourishment you lacked, once upon a time. A spouse is no more a decent substitute for anything for being near at hand. But act not pricked by shame. Be moved by the great hunger for kindness beneath your offended dignity and petitions for justice. You were children too and learned these lessons from your parents. Do not visit them on each other for the succor of your malingering habits and the teaching of the children coming after you. Life is too precious. Be free.
Why cannot you, my parents and parents' parents, simply pause? One begins, of a day, in the doldrums of a declivity from which, until it has run its course, there is little escape. Perhaps the sky is grey or the weather is a mirror of the memories which cloud today and make the presence of other people inclement. The other begins, as is often the case, full of weighty personal affairs and wanting the time and space for full and uninterrupted consideration thereof, so unusual in any life not lived in leisure. One caught in the undertow of an intimate overcast, the other abstracted by concerns, create the perfect environment for discord, the habits of which lie beneath the surface of everything awaiting but the slimmest suggestion to emerge gale force.
Especially on those days, why take offense at slightest slight and cradle it instead of me? Why hold to your breast indignation at the daily fare of misconstruals and petty disregard which often loving people visit upon each other? Why not object simply and expect and offer humility and apology or, failing that, call cruelty what it is to its face and sail the raging seas with honor and craft? Why cannot you both simply stop when you feel the tide of mutual disregard rising to become a wave? Why devolve, for neither of you lacks consciousness of the approach, into recriminations, cold, disappointed resolves, the chess of veiled threats and machinations, wounded thrusts, and bathetic contests of will woven into flimsy subtexts of petitions for redress of grievances?
Like all my brother and sister conventions I am dead, or will be as this fiction ends. I barely lived, except to make the heart more tender for the breaking that exposes the truth of brevity and the need for compassion. Whether my body is dead, or just my spirit, having learned in tender years to expect cruelty where intimacy is greatest, the honor due me should be sufficient to summon sufficient shame to diminish at least your willingness to chew upon one another as though for the nourishment you lacked, once upon a time. A spouse is no more a decent substitute for anything for being near at hand. But act not pricked by shame. Be moved by the great hunger for kindness beneath your offended dignity and petitions for justice. You were children too and learned these lessons from your parents. Do not visit them on each other for the succor of your malingering habits and the teaching of the children coming after you. Life is too precious. Be free.
- Merton Stigler
June 1907
| posted by Unknown @ 6/16/2007 02:42:00 PMJune 1907
Sensei and I spoke a few days ago and I promised to write this, but held off from the day of the demonstration until now. I will think a bit longer before putting forth an opinion as to why the wait was required but, now that Sensei has written, it seems appropriate to do so as well. I received the dojo card (thanks to the consistent care of Jeff Lee) and it felt lovely to read your congratulations and loving encouragement. Several questions are occupying part of my attention while I continue to write my dissertation.
How to participate in this as though martial disciplines are something I/we take seriously?
Do what I we've been practicing. When I'm not sure of the appropriate intervention I hope to wait in gentle motion to:
Where do I stand with: Sensei, myself, family, friends and acquaintances, clients, the dojo, the CAA and its Division One (Iwama stylists), Hombu Dojo (aka The Aikikai)?
Preparing and presenting the demo was a great pleasure. Beyond all the speculation about the value of working for rank and testing, I love to rehearse and perform and, like grabbing any excuse to throw a party, eagerly look forward to any chance to get special training around tests, demos and the like. Rank matters because we agree as a group to use a ranked system, it affects my income (higher rank = the expectation of charging more for professional work), it can be used well to create an ordered environment which aids training, and because, inevitably, when it is used poorly it gives crucial opportunities to make clear that true martial art forms are profoundly internal and intangible as well, especially in a world that includes interpersonal conflict on a daily basis but relatively little (in most upper-middle and upper class lives) regular physical confrontation.
As far as I'm concerned my promotion happened on May 31st. Sensei loudly encouraged me to repeat this to you in print.
My teacher, following the traditions of our art, the by-laws or our organization, and the proclamation of our Division Head on the day of the demonstration, recommended me for promotion and was publicly more than satisfied with what she saw on Wednesday at our dojo, on Saturday at Sunset Cliff's, and on reviewing the video of both. Good grief, what more could I want? The rest can circle the drain a few more times before dropping, if that will serve someone's purpose somewhere. When anyone asks, I say "Sensei promoted me in May, our division will probably recognize the promotion sometime in the next year, and then paperwork and money will probably wing their way Nipponwards sometime thereafter."
It might be interesting and revealing to conflict meaningfully with various brokers of power over this but, for now, I'm pretty freakin' tired of randori and, as long as it doesn't interfere with falling down in the dojo, why spend the energy in reaction that could be reserved for response? If this begins to leak out of its current container and directly impact (beyond sympathetic reaction) other folks than just Sensei and me, then I will have to re-evaluate and begin choosing targets. That would not be acceptable. It is part of our job descriptions as martial artists to make each other, our teachers, colleagues, students, and community a bit usefully uncomfortable and we and they are responsible for living up to that and what follows.
What needs doing?
Training! Paul Lord happened to be in Dallas last night, so he and Lisa and I headed for North Texas Aikido (Russ Alvey, Sensei) for some time on the mat. Lisa and I both began our Aikido paths there and, even though the dojo has relocated, it still feels like home. They don't zoom like Sensei does (and consequently we do) but their clarity and heart continue to shine ever more brightly. Nothing motivates like a good ole' Texas sankyo or nikyo. :) And the beer, stories, and humor while sitting around on the mat after class never fail to raise my cosmic gratitude level. I HIGHLY recommend that you bring a friend or five to the dojo and grow our practice. More bodies to toss means better understanding of variations in your body and more proverbial arrows for your martial quiver. The possibilities make me. Quiver, I mean.
Beyond that I think it would probably be wise to see how the Div 1 dojocho respond to Sensei's letter and then
Again, feeling gratitude for you and for everyone from around the country who has been so clear and forthcoming,
Brandon WilliamsCraig, yondan
How to participate in this as though martial disciplines are something I/we take seriously?
Do what I we've been practicing. When I'm not sure of the appropriate intervention I hope to wait in gentle motion to:
- get close enough to make a dynamic difference but also far enough off the line so as not to be swept away
- breath smoothly and become aware of as much as is possible
- trust what you have practiced, including the assumption that your capacity will be insufficient without the engagement of your full heart and most authentic intentions.
- either move completely or do not - waffling is for breakfast (and requires maple syrup). Life and death require all of you. When you are ready and your waiting is through the correct choice will be directly in front of your center where you may bring your power to bear with most effect.
Where do I stand with: Sensei, myself, family, friends and acquaintances, clients, the dojo, the CAA and its Division One (Iwama stylists), Hombu Dojo (aka The Aikikai)?
Preparing and presenting the demo was a great pleasure. Beyond all the speculation about the value of working for rank and testing, I love to rehearse and perform and, like grabbing any excuse to throw a party, eagerly look forward to any chance to get special training around tests, demos and the like. Rank matters because we agree as a group to use a ranked system, it affects my income (higher rank = the expectation of charging more for professional work), it can be used well to create an ordered environment which aids training, and because, inevitably, when it is used poorly it gives crucial opportunities to make clear that true martial art forms are profoundly internal and intangible as well, especially in a world that includes interpersonal conflict on a daily basis but relatively little (in most upper-middle and upper class lives) regular physical confrontation.
As far as I'm concerned my promotion happened on May 31st. Sensei loudly encouraged me to repeat this to you in print.
My teacher, following the traditions of our art, the by-laws or our organization, and the proclamation of our Division Head on the day of the demonstration, recommended me for promotion and was publicly more than satisfied with what she saw on Wednesday at our dojo, on Saturday at Sunset Cliff's, and on reviewing the video of both. Good grief, what more could I want? The rest can circle the drain a few more times before dropping, if that will serve someone's purpose somewhere. When anyone asks, I say "Sensei promoted me in May, our division will probably recognize the promotion sometime in the next year, and then paperwork and money will probably wing their way Nipponwards sometime thereafter."
It might be interesting and revealing to conflict meaningfully with various brokers of power over this but, for now, I'm pretty freakin' tired of randori and, as long as it doesn't interfere with falling down in the dojo, why spend the energy in reaction that could be reserved for response? If this begins to leak out of its current container and directly impact (beyond sympathetic reaction) other folks than just Sensei and me, then I will have to re-evaluate and begin choosing targets. That would not be acceptable. It is part of our job descriptions as martial artists to make each other, our teachers, colleagues, students, and community a bit usefully uncomfortable and we and they are responsible for living up to that and what follows.
What needs doing?
Training! Paul Lord happened to be in Dallas last night, so he and Lisa and I headed for North Texas Aikido (Russ Alvey, Sensei) for some time on the mat. Lisa and I both began our Aikido paths there and, even though the dojo has relocated, it still feels like home. They don't zoom like Sensei does (and consequently we do) but their clarity and heart continue to shine ever more brightly. Nothing motivates like a good ole' Texas sankyo or nikyo. :) And the beer, stories, and humor while sitting around on the mat after class never fail to raise my cosmic gratitude level. I HIGHLY recommend that you bring a friend or five to the dojo and grow our practice. More bodies to toss means better understanding of variations in your body and more proverbial arrows for your martial quiver. The possibilities make me. Quiver, I mean.
Beyond that I think it would probably be wise to see how the Div 1 dojocho respond to Sensei's letter and then
- should they ignore a colleague bringing a justice issue to their attention, perhaps the greater CAA organization will not be insensitive to the implications of such a power move.
- I'd be happy to submit my paperwork, fees, and essay as always follows a recommendation for promotion, for transmission to Japan, no matter what they decide.
- when they chose to support an outcome that is not hostile to Sensei's integrity and right to promote they should be appreciated (but probably not congratulated too loudly) for their capacity and willingness to work with the levels of Aikido that are most difficult to learn and even more to practice, no matter your published rank.
Again, feeling gratitude for you and for everyone from around the country who has been so clear and forthcoming,
Brandon WilliamsCraig, yondan
Labels: AiBerk, Aikido, CAA, conflict
| posted by Unknown @ 6/14/2007 05:15:00 PM
I am back at Mom's House in Kessler Park in Oak Cliff in Dallas, Texas. The weather involves mostly 90 degree temperatures and dense humidity despite the regularly intense sunshine. The flora is lush but at the expense of the fauna, in this case - us.
As always this is a blast into my past and there is much to sift through in the way of memories, reactions, reminders, and creeping claims on me I never fail to underestimate.
June 6th was Lisa's and my 8th anniversary and 11th year together.
On the advice of my Father we went to Margarita Ranch for the eponymous beverage and then across the parking area to Rock Fish for their excellent fish tacos. Delicious good times were had by all, except that, at some point, my credit card disappeared and we had to to cancel it. The real topper was that my Mom saved us wedding cake. Let me be clear, in case there is room for doubt, that this is the exact cake that we enjoyed at our Texas wedding (after driving across country with our epically patient entourage) on June 10th, 1999. Lisa opened the ceremonial container and this is what she found.
Hilarity ensued as my Mom discovered her mistake.
And all was eventually put to rights.
The cake, believe it or not, remains quite tasty once thawed.We also celebrated by taking in live, musical theater (see below) the necessity of which almost always trumps most critical considerations. To do so we dropped into yet another corner of my youth (entering Fair Park seeking the Music Hall) in the person of the institution formerly known as the Dallas Museum of Natural History. The fantastic protostega there I have no memory of seeing before and, being a turtle-guy from way back, resolved to return to admire him/her at greater length. We went in to the cool museum to kill time while the post-show traffic cleared and arrived fifteen minutes before the building closed.
Before the Music Hall we went to free Tai Chi (weekly - yum!) at the Dallas Museum of Art with Eng Khoo, who also teaches at the Downtown and Town North YMCAs, and then into the Dallas Arts District proper. The Arts District was hosting the City Arts Celebration (street fair a.k.a. sales booth opportunity) wherein we noshed
various tasty bites before heading for the cooler indoors of the Crow Collection of Asian Art - home of both the current U-Ram Choe exhibit of fantasy robotics
and an entire gathering of sublime Female Buddhas, in addition to the beautiful permanent collection.Then we headed for the Nasher Sculpture Center to join the crowd
walking to the sky from the oppressive heat only augmented by the incoming thunderhead. 
The majority of time, strange as that may seem from the accounts of these other adventures, have been spent writing, slowly at first, and helping with the Mom's computer (DSL install, OS and software lessons, website updates, etc.). Now we have improved upon her confinement to dial-up and I am back on the Net at highish speed.
WARNING what follows is mostly a rant. Only continue if you are up for it.
There are days that begin and end in tragedy, for instance, with the discovery that you've already begun to use the wrong toothbrush, or the dilemma of which yarn to buy or write.
Enough about others and on to more about Us and the tragedy of only having everything we could possibly need and only most of what we want. When people a few miles away are living with the consequences of the worst, except for Mississippi, teen pregnancy and high school graduation crises in the nation it is important to keep one's eye on what is important:
- shaking hands in the sanctuary in your newly acquired church with your newly purchased constituency living near the very expensive home you built in a hole that used to be your neighbors' sewer easement and creek water run-off, in order to secure your place on the city council from which to carry on work esteemed by neocons like Pete Sessions.
- polishing any of the S.U.V.s in the curvaceous driveway in front of your 14 room house
- listening to private home art tours,
- patronizing "arts districts" and coffee shops, and
- judging others for their narcissism.
Maybe that gives rise to imagining the right to talk from middle crassness in terms of "the world" as though the carefully trimmed, all-but-gated wasteland of neo-con sewer builders outside the window were "the world". I am oppressed by the shear quantity of election yard signs screaming the message that the alternatives are a) radical developer corporatists, called "conservative" with no trace of irony, and b) probably less radical "conservative" developers who have cultivated the use of the word "green" in discussing future expansion and re-branding plans for what were well-established communities with their own sense of local character and identity.
Sometimes I have to read Andrei Codrescu just to recover from going out.
Perhaps this burnt offering of meaning in language on the altar of the god of Winning Heaps and Minds (Votes) is what is left of possibly learning the consequences of public policy. Perhaps an utter disinterest in the context of an electorate or audience, beyond the dividends thereby provided, is related in some way to the standing ovations at the end of everything containing a shadow of a Star, even the most mediocre, like the Dallas Summer Musicals touring company of Chicago. Their don't-bother-with-set-or-costumes depthless stage eerily reflects the degree to which the
bona fide chorus and orchestra so far outshine most of the named Live musical theater is almost always enjoyable despite the various notable concerns. This was no exception to that rule. I'm just glad the tickets were comps. | posted by Unknown @ 6/11/2007 08:40:00 AM
Since the experiences of Memorial Day Weekend, I've received several compassionate and perspicacious responses. Several conversations by email seem appropriate to share, so I've created an entry (please click here or scroll down) for posts belonging to those related issues.
Following the Gasshuku and demonstration in San Diego, Lisa and I headed for Oxnard for a dissertation writing intensive with a professional researcher and graduate writing coach. Basically, while Lisa sunbathed and relaxed, I enjoyed two straight days of focused writing and have some very satisfying results, even though the page quantity I had hoped for did not materialize, due in part to needing to pay less and therefore receive less personal attention. The big benefit was a full outline with scope boundaries and page targets, as well as a new discipline for the writing itself. Now it is time to produce, after a few days effectively "off" for exploration and working on the part of the trip that needs to feel more like vacation and less like a race toward a deadline.
Somewhere between San Diego or Oxnard and the desert Serenity experienced AC failure. The desert heat was, in my humble opinion, not as intense as I have felt it before but it certainly got our attention streaming in the vents and the occasional open window. Francisco reclined on his cushion and panted quite convincingly as he worked on his impression of a hot dog.
The Grand Canyon was, well, Grand. Last time through we stopped for a few hours at the South Rim. This time we returned to the rim but also visited the Tusayan Ruin and Museum and heard the talk by Ranger Brian (pictured in this video) there. Quite a guy. He did his undergrad in archeology and spends his off time walking among other ruins with his wife and discovering unsurveyed sites which they photograph and report. He told stories from various traditions descended from the "Ancient Puebloans" (don't call them Anasazi - that's a Navajo word which basically means dangerous aliens or "the bad guys" - much better to use the Spanish invader's word originated on this continent to condescend to the savages). I kept my mouth shut as best I could and he told some wonderful Zuni stories at what remains of the Tusayan site and introduced the idea of Kiva to a bunch of folks who would otherwise probably have never heard of the idea.
We also drove to Desert View and climbed the tower there, a complex example of what I call "culturopoiesis", or culture-making. An anglo architect designed this building to fit in and celebrate indigenous culture. An at least partly assimilated native artist created wall paintings based in historical narrative for the inner walls. Through a synthesis of cultural understanding and misunderstanding an edifice was created which, I believe, serves to highlight both the beauty and dilemmas of indigenousity, invasion, and influence.
On the way back to our campsite, Coyote visited. He was standing on a side road keeping track of the four-leggeds passing in wheeled boxes and regarded us as we slowed and passed through his world. The following morning I had a dream which he may have brought, about Lisa's father being super-polite, followed by an expanded new facility for Aikido of Berkeley.
Then we departed for Tucson to visit Eric and Brian. They have welcomed us with amazing food and drink, excellent recommendations of auto mechanics, worthwhile conversation, and a place for Francisco to be able to relax, cool off, and poop on the floor, alas. It turns out that the sudden change to extremes of everything (schedule/lack of routine, temperatures, etc) take their toll on two-legged critters. A slightly more obviously impact, however, is on four-leggeds. This morning, Francisco didn't get out of the van in quite enough time and shared with our bed the contents of both his stomach and bowels. These evacuations began a day otherwise dominated by sitting in a Firestone office during van repair including an oil change and system inspection, AC repair (the compressor manifold ground wire to the chassis was too short and engine vibration eventually snapped it, in addition to the compressor being chronically overcharged, presumably by the Iron Mountain fleet mechanics previously in charge of the vehicle), lock repair for the side door still suffering from the break-in attempt and, finally, the turn signal relay assembly so when we lift or depress the turn signal lever on the steering column it goes "click - clock" and continues until changed.
I'm am obliged to say, at this point, that, should you find yourself in Tucson and in need of automotive repair, I heartily recommend Kim Danielson at Firestone Complete Auto (520) 722-3080 [7950 E. Speedway and Pantano]. Kim charged us only what was required and then went way beyond the call of duty, including building a new lock cylinder from parts supplied from Ford (instead of a complete lock assembly). I wrote most of this while sitting in their waiting room as I worked on converting and profiling the mp3s from the Nutrition and Health conference for a deliverable for Conference Recording Service (which continues to help pay our bills). I also need to point out that without a generous parting gift from our San Leandro neighbors, Claire and Phil, this would have been rather difficult to manage. Lisa and I are very thankful.
Tomorrow (now today, I guess) we head for Carlsbad and the cavern tours, by way of Agua Caliente and Seguaro National Park, but bypassing Biosphere II and probably Tombstone.
Dallas, here we come! Can't wait to squeeze some Keepins, currently visiting The Mom.
Following the Gasshuku and demonstration in San Diego, Lisa and I headed for Oxnard for a dissertation writing intensive with a professional researcher and graduate writing coach. Basically, while Lisa sunbathed and relaxed, I enjoyed two straight days of focused writing and have some very satisfying results, even though the page quantity I had hoped for did not materialize, due in part to needing to pay less and therefore receive less personal attention. The big benefit was a full outline with scope boundaries and page targets, as well as a new discipline for the writing itself. Now it is time to produce, after a few days effectively "off" for exploration and working on the part of the trip that needs to feel more like vacation and less like a race toward a deadline.
Somewhere between San Diego or Oxnard and the desert Serenity experienced AC failure. The desert heat was, in my humble opinion, not as intense as I have felt it before but it certainly got our attention streaming in the vents and the occasional open window. Francisco reclined on his cushion and panted quite convincingly as he worked on his impression of a hot dog.
The Grand Canyon was, well, Grand. Last time through we stopped for a few hours at the South Rim. This time we returned to the rim but also visited the Tusayan Ruin and Museum and heard the talk by Ranger Brian (pictured in this video) there. Quite a guy. He did his undergrad in archeology and spends his off time walking among other ruins with his wife and discovering unsurveyed sites which they photograph and report. He told stories from various traditions descended from the "Ancient Puebloans" (don't call them Anasazi - that's a Navajo word which basically means dangerous aliens or "the bad guys" - much better to use the Spanish invader's word originated on this continent to condescend to the savages). I kept my mouth shut as best I could and he told some wonderful Zuni stories at what remains of the Tusayan site and introduced the idea of Kiva to a bunch of folks who would otherwise probably have never heard of the idea.
We also drove to Desert View and climbed the tower there, a complex example of what I call "culturopoiesis", or culture-making. An anglo architect designed this building to fit in and celebrate indigenous culture. An at least partly assimilated native artist created wall paintings based in historical narrative for the inner walls. Through a synthesis of cultural understanding and misunderstanding an edifice was created which, I believe, serves to highlight both the beauty and dilemmas of indigenousity, invasion, and influence.
On the way back to our campsite, Coyote visited. He was standing on a side road keeping track of the four-leggeds passing in wheeled boxes and regarded us as we slowed and passed through his world. The following morning I had a dream which he may have brought, about Lisa's father being super-polite, followed by an expanded new facility for Aikido of Berkeley.
Then we departed for Tucson to visit Eric and Brian. They have welcomed us with amazing food and drink, excellent recommendations of auto mechanics, worthwhile conversation, and a place for Francisco to be able to relax, cool off, and poop on the floor, alas. It turns out that the sudden change to extremes of everything (schedule/lack of routine, temperatures, etc) take their toll on two-legged critters. A slightly more obviously impact, however, is on four-leggeds. This morning, Francisco didn't get out of the van in quite enough time and shared with our bed the contents of both his stomach and bowels. These evacuations began a day otherwise dominated by sitting in a Firestone office during van repair including an oil change and system inspection, AC repair (the compressor manifold ground wire to the chassis was too short and engine vibration eventually snapped it, in addition to the compressor being chronically overcharged, presumably by the Iron Mountain fleet mechanics previously in charge of the vehicle), lock repair for the side door still suffering from the break-in attempt and, finally, the turn signal relay assembly so when we lift or depress the turn signal lever on the steering column it goes "click - clock" and continues until changed.
I'm am obliged to say, at this point, that, should you find yourself in Tucson and in need of automotive repair, I heartily recommend Kim Danielson at Firestone Complete Auto (520) 722-3080 [7950 E. Speedway and Pantano]. Kim charged us only what was required and then went way beyond the call of duty, including building a new lock cylinder from parts supplied from Ford (instead of a complete lock assembly). I wrote most of this while sitting in their waiting room as I worked on converting and profiling the mp3s from the Nutrition and Health conference for a deliverable for Conference Recording Service (which continues to help pay our bills). I also need to point out that without a generous parting gift from our San Leandro neighbors, Claire and Phil, this would have been rather difficult to manage. Lisa and I are very thankful.
Tomorrow (now today, I guess) we head for Carlsbad and the cavern tours, by way of Agua Caliente and Seguaro National Park, but bypassing Biosphere II and probably Tombstone.
Dallas, here we come! Can't wait to squeeze some Keepins, currently visiting The Mom.
Labels: daily, recommendation, travel, walkabout
| posted by Unknown @ 6/03/2007 12:05:00 AM
On May 30, 2007 I wrote:
About being unpromoted from Yondan in San Diego.
The following arrived, parallel to phone calls along similar lines, by email...
Some but not all names have been removed, just because.
hard to know what else i could usefully add in written words since they are not my forte. i look foreword to the time we can speak and listen and i can share my feelings thoughts and ideas. and my experiences at ukiah aikido which i think a relevant here.
loving you
hugging you
missing you
You know what I believe Brandon? It was not the time for you to be able to perform at your best. I can only look at the mental disruption I suffered for years after Brooks left. My concentration and interest in anything but reconstructing my whole life was almost zero. I know everyone has their own way of healing and you have your way. I fully believe that your heart and mind would not allow you to proceed forward in Aikido at this time. There is so much to reconstruct in your belief system and your perspective on life, in general, that no matter how hard you attempted to deflect it with other thoughts and focuses, your heart would not be drawn away from the work that has to be done.
I felt a very clear feeling the first time I saw you at the Dojo that you were a very elevated and spiritual person. It was so clear to me that I asked Kayla who you were and told her what I saw in you. She confirmed my perception. In a way, the fact that you are so evolved spiritually may make your healing different than most and maybe longer . If you are anything like I am, and was, at the beginning of my healing, some very fundamental ideals and expectations were blown to smithereens. It's the faith and belief that all things happen for a good reason that has carried me through. It is a blind and bold faith that has to ignore long ponderings and questions about everything. Eventually I believe you and I will both understand the big question.....Why. Since there is really no time in the universe, who knows when that will happen.
In my case, when I realized after years that I didn't have to know the truth about my son's departure....the why....because the trees, sky, wind, plants, wild animals all know....God knows.......the truth is very well known......when I need to know I will know. The same is true for you and your wife. You will know and understand when it's appropriate... no sooner, no later. I believe that just as this loss is the worst trajedy a parent can endure, it's also the supreme gift of all. The day Brooks died I had feelings that ranged from complete and utter implosion to a feeling of absolute honor and awe. I was so sad that I couldn't be there with him at this poignant time in his life, but I knew he was a very strong man who preferred it that way. I wouldn't be able to tell him how much I loved him or goodbye. That's a seering pain that is still healing.
Aidan's photo is on Brook's photo in my home. I think of him every day and have asked Brooks to be there for Aidan. I believe he is.
In reality, the way things went last weekend with your test is very insignificant in the grand scheme of things. When you have healed sufficiently, you will move forward. Keep going Brandon. "Never, never, never give up". Continuing to live, grow, understand and accept is the lesson. It's easy to do when you aren't dealing with a loss like this. Now is your real test, not last weekend. You are a tremendous example for your son and anyone who knows you. We need you here. Grieve, love, and thrive. Love,
I am sure you are all still overwhelmed by the crazy blow of what happened down in San Diego with Brandon's demo. My jaw certainly hit the floor! So I wanted to put out there, for the record, how I felt hearing about it. (and Brandon, don't get all shy; I'm going to say nice things here ;)
I have to say that I think Brandon's response to this phenomenally unfair turn of events was so courageous, so full of class and grace, and so exemplifying of the highest ideals of aikido that I think he should be promoted TWO levels, not just the one. And I'm not being facetious. This was a life-size randori of extraordinary proportions (to say nothing of the chaos practice of life in general!) and he handled the assault of it with such openheartedness and wholly undeserved generosity of spirit. To get back on the mat and engage with such grace and presence; it was a rare and truly admirable thing.
And furthermore, as I understand it, these are the essential issues one looks for in evaluating depth of understanding at this level of aikido, not the technicalities of how you step or how you hold your arm that the panel seems to have gotten so worked up over.
I also want to put out there how very much I appreciate his contribution to the dojo. Not only do I appreciate the patience, clarity, sensitiveness and nuance of his teaching and training, but I really find it transformative just to be on the mat with him. The quality of presence and mindfulness that he works hard to bring has been really healing for me personally in terms of training through not only the moves of aikido itself, but the deeper emotional and interpersonal issues that the training stands upon.
And, the qualities that the board seems to have so disparaged - the quality of flow, of lively movement, of eagerness to embrace insight from many sources rather than hewing to a strict dogma - which, Sensei, you really embody and encourage - these are the very qualities that have kept me at the dojo and so glad to be here. It took me ten years to find a dojo like this one!
So, please let me know what I can do to support you guys in this process. Letters, petitions, sit-ins, throwing of tomatoes, march on Washington - you know.... Just say the word.
yours truly,
Hello. It has been such a long while since I have logged in to see how you all are doing. As always, after catching up on the entries, life continues to be life....we are not exempt, my dear friend. You told me last Summer, "We never know what the day could bring...it can be amazing or dreadful, we must always be prepared for both." Your words walk with me daily. The challenges, up hill climbs, endless tears, exhaustion, then light heartedness, laughter, joy, and gratitude seem to be the way as one gets older and lives through more...trying to feel the feelings in order to walk through them often seems harder than just not feeling...however, occasionally, I try not to feel through the feelings and that doesn't seem to work out so well
Know that I am with you in spirit...walking the walk too, my friend.
Love and Miss You.
I have been thinking long and hard about the Gasshuku. I was finally able to get rid of my anger and disappointment when I realized that, in a very definite and absolute sense, I don't care what the 9 or 10 people on the review board think. I started practicing Aikido for ME. I still practice
for me. As I see it improve my character, and my overall worth as a parent, husband, and friend, that's all great, but I'm doing it for me. I appreciate the careful guidance and approval of Kayla Sensei and yourself, but they are bonuses, not requirements. As for the CAA, Hombu, or the specific personages of Pat, Bernice, Stephanie, etc....nope, I honestly can't find one iota of concern for what they think. If this has social or political consequences, meh. I have more than enough social and political drama in my life for any five people.
I am fully aware that I have a degree of separation and newbie-ness that makes these statements and realizations easier for me to make than they would be for you. But all the same I hope you reach some equivalent sort of satisfaction.
Because your demo was The F**king Bomb, Lower Magellenic Cloud Grade.
Despite everything, I had a great time hanging out at the Gasshuku, and truly appreciated the opportunity to spend time with everyone from the dojo, and to get to know you and Lisa a little better. I still think your response and approach to Sunday was powerful and compassionate, and worthy of as much respect as I can muster.
Dear community,
I just had the opportunity to watch the DVD of Brandon's yondan demonstration, which I was seeing for the first time (not having been to San Diego) and without the benefit of having seen his Wednesday night demo at our dojo, to which it has been compared.
The first thing I want to say is that within minutes I knew that I was watching and excellent demonstration, and any lingering shade of doubt I might have had about his performance were completely alleviated.
On Friday night, I had the chance to chat with Sensei and a few others about the experience, again without having been a participant, and mentioned a few thoughts that I would now share with you. I think this whole event is complex, obviously, and in sorting it out have divided the issues into two categories: those pertaining to the actual demonstration; and those pertaining to the larger organizational-systemic implications of the decision, and the process by which it was made. It is the former which I would address here.
I divided the issues pertaining to the demonstration into three subcategories: overall performance; clarity of execution of techniques; and style.
I have already spoken to first, in saying that my immediate impression was that this was an excellent yondan demonstration. That perception sustained throughout. If would have been proud to have done this demonstration.
It is possible, however, that one could have a very good demo, and still there could be specific issue taken with the execution of the techniques. One could, for example, have an overall level of integrated movement, flow, connectedness, timing, etc., but still show a muddiness in the specificity of technical detail. My perception of Brandon's demonstration was that this was not the case. Virtually everything I saw on the DVD looked quite clear to me. As I understand it, however, this was one of the criticisms that was offered to justify the board's denial of his rank. How to reconcile this discrepancy?
I am led to think that this can only be explained in the context of stylistic preference. If one has made the cognitive commitment to a particular style being the only right way to do something, then other stylistic variations will appear to be wrong, by definition – or "unclear", at best. One can certainly see that Brandon's demonstration did not rigidly here to the Iwama style, though it just as obviously included elements of it. From my perspective, he was able to effectively integrate elements from multiple styles without compromising the clarity of his movement. This is something I would look for, and see as a sign of mastery, at the yondan level.
It is my opinion that the exclusive commitment to a singular style is an unfortunate choice. It is certainly useful to practice within a particular approach for a period of time, until one gains a mastery of basics, in order to build a foundation. From my perspective, though, the idea of style is inherently problematic. Any of us who have seen O'Sensei films know that there is no one who has achieve his level. At best, direct students were able to grab an element or a principle that was within their reach, which they subsequently developed over years and years. Their students, imitating them, codified the principles into systems. This is all well and good, in that it facilitates learning – until the systems become dogmas. "Dogmas" means "right" and "wrong". It is a problem. What formerly enabled learning now prevents it. Too bad!
So, it seems to me that what happened here is that due to the blinders of dogma, clarity of execution got confused with style, leading to an inaccurate assessment of overall performance. It is truly unfortunate, not just for Brandon, but for all of us because the message is "Don't learn – just conform."
About the larger organizational-systemic issues, for now, all I'll say is this. I have heard several people comment on the implications of a demonstration being treated as a test. I find it quite ironic that Pat announced that it was understood that people who gave demonstrations were recommended by their Sensei's and had already achieved their ranks....
Firstly, I think it's a great idea to pass to Brandon's judges the letters and concerns of our
aikido community with respect to the 'muddy' decision they made about Brandon's yon dan demo (which wasn't a test). And I would be happy to proof read all the letters as I am sure many people wrote with their hearts and not their grammar rules in mind.
Secondly, I was reading in 'The Spirit of Aikido' recently by Kisshomaru Ueshiba and he mentioned 'take-musu', which literally means 'martial-creative'. The Founder himself spoke about this on one of my old video tapes. He said that the aim of aikido (to paraphrase) is to be able to be in a situation and respond with no preconcieved notions or ideas or techniques, but merely to respond with just what is needed in that moment.
It says alot about the judges that at the yon dan level they are still looking for basic postures and
not yet ready to nurture this creative living aspect of aikido.
For someone as effective as an aikidoka and as an instructor as Brandon has shown all of us over and over, there should be nothing but support for him to continue his practice in harmony and beauty. I am disappointed in the inner level of the judges if they are choosing to limit creativity and are adhereing to (one form of aikido) dogma.
Aikido is more than techniques, it is a way of Being and this is a really big thing and not nearly so easy to pursue or teach as mere forms. OSensei was a master of himself, not just a master of the forms. Saito Sensei himself did not grok all that O Sensei was trying to pass on. Saito Sensei helped consolidate a mass of techniques and forms, for which we are all very grateful, but he recognized that he did not 'get' the inner teachings of OSensei. I have heard it said that OSensei himself thought no one was getting this aspect, that everyone was mastering a martial art but
not getting the inner stuff about energy, kami spirits, kan (intuition), etc..this stuff that animated Ueshiba himself.
This is the way it is with all the great teachers of the world. Their teachings become divided among all those who studied with them. What was complex becomes reduced to forms and then these forms 'must be adhered to' to the exclusion of......take-musu! Therefore, what Saito gives us is a great thing but is only a part of a whole. In otherwords, there are many forms of aikido, not just Hombu style. And none are 'more legitimate' than the others.
I have the greatest of respect for the judges of Brandon and I feel sure that in their hearts they only want to be sure that the form of aikido is passed on in a 'pure' fashion as they understand it. That is their right.
However, at this point they have revealed their own limitations and I support you, Kayla Sensei, to consider relationships with other branches of the great Aikido tree. There is room on the planet to explore all the aspects OSensei passed on. Ultimately, as i understand what he said, it's about being able to master 'no-technique'...take-musu...in the moment responding. If Hombu isn't ready to pursue that even at yon don level, then we should forge our own path
The waves of life don't necessarily arise from logic; they just are. In Tsunami season, the wave draws back, back, back - scouring the sand of it's identity. But that's not the end; you know what happens next...
We want you to know that we are thinking of you and your (further) trials. How rotten (in the original sense, as well) could it be? We are so sorry that you were the locus of such a manifestation. All our best to you and Lisa.
a stray thought, the two line response to the whole "authoritarian standard vs. creative improvisation" element of the Gasshuku weekend is: What part of 'Aikido of *BERKELEY*' did they not understand? The government of the People's Republic has been pumping
non-conformity serum into the water supply for going on 40 years now.
I could not agree more with your conclusions. As one that does not see rank as having any meaning i still feel that at Brandon's level of practice and dedication (which is really all that these higher rank tests usually reflect) should deserve recognition and passage, and from what i have heard his demonstration was more interesting than any of the others. It is disrespectful to what is going on at our Dojo and the integration of styles which we enjoy. Aikido has nothing to do with rigidity and when demonstrated, such as done by the board, should remind us to always trust our own feelings and choices. Rank or no "rank" Branden is still a great Aikidoka and great teacher and that is all that really matters to me. I hope he does not waist any time and energy worrying about the boards decision.
more coming...
About being unpromoted from Yondan in San Diego.
The following arrived, parallel to phone calls along similar lines, by email...
Some but not all names have been removed, just because.
hard to know what else i could usefully add in written words since they are not my forte. i look foreword to the time we can speak and listen and i can share my feelings thoughts and ideas. and my experiences at ukiah aikido which i think a relevant here.
loving you
hugging you
missing you
Oy, busy you are. And sorry to hear about the "politics" (for lack of a better word) regarding your demo and test. Stressful enough as it is, without having to appeal a negative decision based on long-standing issues that's perhaps beyond your control. |
"Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low." |
Not so random musings, ascribed to O'Sensei: |
Brandon, you are undoubtedly acquainted with the song that goes "I can't give you anything but love." When a friend is in distress, I think to say "I can't give you anything but a spacious listening ear (in case that is helpful)." So, if you think it may be helpful (maybe even on the phone), by all means give me a buzz, any time. And if you think it won't be helpful, that is also OK with me, and I hereby wish you the best of luck, despite everything.
With loveYou know what I believe Brandon? It was not the time for you to be able to perform at your best. I can only look at the mental disruption I suffered for years after Brooks left. My concentration and interest in anything but reconstructing my whole life was almost zero. I know everyone has their own way of healing and you have your way. I fully believe that your heart and mind would not allow you to proceed forward in Aikido at this time. There is so much to reconstruct in your belief system and your perspective on life, in general, that no matter how hard you attempted to deflect it with other thoughts and focuses, your heart would not be drawn away from the work that has to be done.
I felt a very clear feeling the first time I saw you at the Dojo that you were a very elevated and spiritual person. It was so clear to me that I asked Kayla who you were and told her what I saw in you. She confirmed my perception. In a way, the fact that you are so evolved spiritually may make your healing different than most and maybe longer . If you are anything like I am, and was, at the beginning of my healing, some very fundamental ideals and expectations were blown to smithereens. It's the faith and belief that all things happen for a good reason that has carried me through. It is a blind and bold faith that has to ignore long ponderings and questions about everything. Eventually I believe you and I will both understand the big question.....Why. Since there is really no time in the universe, who knows when that will happen.
In my case, when I realized after years that I didn't have to know the truth about my son's departure....the why....because the trees, sky, wind, plants, wild animals all know....God knows.......the truth is very well known......when I need to know I will know. The same is true for you and your wife. You will know and understand when it's appropriate... no sooner, no later. I believe that just as this loss is the worst trajedy a parent can endure, it's also the supreme gift of all. The day Brooks died I had feelings that ranged from complete and utter implosion to a feeling of absolute honor and awe. I was so sad that I couldn't be there with him at this poignant time in his life, but I knew he was a very strong man who preferred it that way. I wouldn't be able to tell him how much I loved him or goodbye. That's a seering pain that is still healing.
Aidan's photo is on Brook's photo in my home. I think of him every day and have asked Brooks to be there for Aidan. I believe he is.
In reality, the way things went last weekend with your test is very insignificant in the grand scheme of things. When you have healed sufficiently, you will move forward. Keep going Brandon. "Never, never, never give up". Continuing to live, grow, understand and accept is the lesson. It's easy to do when you aren't dealing with a loss like this. Now is your real test, not last weekend. You are a tremendous example for your son and anyone who knows you. We need you here. Grieve, love, and thrive. Love,
My dear Brandon;
Glad to capture the two Yondon demos on video in San Diego. After your stunning demo, the next guy's looked like a first Ku test. Anyone is welcome to view the demos on DVD and decide for themselves.
I also recorded the head Sensei stating that you had both been granted the yondon rank prior to the demos.
This was a set-up and you got caught in Iwama-style politics. These wrist-twist folk are not the living, loving Aikido I signed up for in Shingu at the World Aikido Dojo of Hikitsuchi Sensei (10th Dan) where I have been a member since 1988.
I will be delighted to receive instruction from you upon your return to the loving space of
Aikido of Berkeley Dojo, where honor is given to O Sensei's statement: "May the fearful wrath of my opponent be turned into harmless laughter."
And so may you, my dear Sempai, continue to teach a loving, laughing Aikido to a world so obviously in need of transcending our constriction.
Hi Sensei -I am sure you are all still overwhelmed by the crazy blow of what happened down in San Diego with Brandon's demo. My jaw certainly hit the floor! So I wanted to put out there, for the record, how I felt hearing about it. (and Brandon, don't get all shy; I'm going to say nice things here ;)
I have to say that I think Brandon's response to this phenomenally unfair turn of events was so courageous, so full of class and grace, and so exemplifying of the highest ideals of aikido that I think he should be promoted TWO levels, not just the one. And I'm not being facetious. This was a life-size randori of extraordinary proportions (to say nothing of the chaos practice of life in general!) and he handled the assault of it with such openheartedness and wholly undeserved generosity of spirit. To get back on the mat and engage with such grace and presence; it was a rare and truly admirable thing.
And furthermore, as I understand it, these are the essential issues one looks for in evaluating depth of understanding at this level of aikido, not the technicalities of how you step or how you hold your arm that the panel seems to have gotten so worked up over.
I also want to put out there how very much I appreciate his contribution to the dojo. Not only do I appreciate the patience, clarity, sensitiveness and nuance of his teaching and training, but I really find it transformative just to be on the mat with him. The quality of presence and mindfulness that he works hard to bring has been really healing for me personally in terms of training through not only the moves of aikido itself, but the deeper emotional and interpersonal issues that the training stands upon.
And, the qualities that the board seems to have so disparaged - the quality of flow, of lively movement, of eagerness to embrace insight from many sources rather than hewing to a strict dogma - which, Sensei, you really embody and encourage - these are the very qualities that have kept me at the dojo and so glad to be here. It took me ten years to find a dojo like this one!
So, please let me know what I can do to support you guys in this process. Letters, petitions, sit-ins, throwing of tomatoes, march on Washington - you know.... Just say the word.
yours truly,
Hello. It has been such a long while since I have logged in to see how you all are doing. As always, after catching up on the entries, life continues to be life....we are not exempt, my dear friend. You told me last Summer, "We never know what the day could bring...it can be amazing or dreadful, we must always be prepared for both." Your words walk with me daily. The challenges, up hill climbs, endless tears, exhaustion, then light heartedness, laughter, joy, and gratitude seem to be the way as one gets older and lives through more...trying to feel the feelings in order to walk through them often seems harder than just not feeling...however, occasionally, I try not to feel through the feelings and that doesn't seem to work out so well
Know that I am with you in spirit...walking the walk too, my friend.Love and Miss You.
I have been thinking long and hard about the Gasshuku. I was finally able to get rid of my anger and disappointment when I realized that, in a very definite and absolute sense, I don't care what the 9 or 10 people on the review board think. I started practicing Aikido for ME. I still practice
for me. As I see it improve my character, and my overall worth as a parent, husband, and friend, that's all great, but I'm doing it for me. I appreciate the careful guidance and approval of Kayla Sensei and yourself, but they are bonuses, not requirements. As for the CAA, Hombu, or the specific personages of Pat, Bernice, Stephanie, etc....nope, I honestly can't find one iota of concern for what they think. If this has social or political consequences, meh. I have more than enough social and political drama in my life for any five people.
I am fully aware that I have a degree of separation and newbie-ness that makes these statements and realizations easier for me to make than they would be for you. But all the same I hope you reach some equivalent sort of satisfaction.
Because your demo was The F**king Bomb, Lower Magellenic Cloud Grade.
Despite everything, I had a great time hanging out at the Gasshuku, and truly appreciated the opportunity to spend time with everyone from the dojo, and to get to know you and Lisa a little better. I still think your response and approach to Sunday was powerful and compassionate, and worthy of as much respect as I can muster.
Dear Brandon,
I usually don't get involved in these discussions, but all I can say is Ahhh- politics.
I still love Aikido and miss training and am trying to figure out how to fit it in.
Hope you continue to train and enjoy Aikido with detachment.
Your friend,
Dear community,
I just had the opportunity to watch the DVD of Brandon's yondan demonstration, which I was seeing for the first time (not having been to San Diego) and without the benefit of having seen his Wednesday night demo at our dojo, to which it has been compared.
The first thing I want to say is that within minutes I knew that I was watching and excellent demonstration, and any lingering shade of doubt I might have had about his performance were completely alleviated.
On Friday night, I had the chance to chat with Sensei and a few others about the experience, again without having been a participant, and mentioned a few thoughts that I would now share with you. I think this whole event is complex, obviously, and in sorting it out have divided the issues into two categories: those pertaining to the actual demonstration; and those pertaining to the larger organizational-systemic implications of the decision, and the process by which it was made. It is the former which I would address here.
I divided the issues pertaining to the demonstration into three subcategories: overall performance; clarity of execution of techniques; and style.
I have already spoken to first, in saying that my immediate impression was that this was an excellent yondan demonstration. That perception sustained throughout. If would have been proud to have done this demonstration.
It is possible, however, that one could have a very good demo, and still there could be specific issue taken with the execution of the techniques. One could, for example, have an overall level of integrated movement, flow, connectedness, timing, etc., but still show a muddiness in the specificity of technical detail. My perception of Brandon's demonstration was that this was not the case. Virtually everything I saw on the DVD looked quite clear to me. As I understand it, however, this was one of the criticisms that was offered to justify the board's denial of his rank. How to reconcile this discrepancy?
I am led to think that this can only be explained in the context of stylistic preference. If one has made the cognitive commitment to a particular style being the only right way to do something, then other stylistic variations will appear to be wrong, by definition – or "unclear", at best. One can certainly see that Brandon's demonstration did not rigidly here to the Iwama style, though it just as obviously included elements of it. From my perspective, he was able to effectively integrate elements from multiple styles without compromising the clarity of his movement. This is something I would look for, and see as a sign of mastery, at the yondan level.
It is my opinion that the exclusive commitment to a singular style is an unfortunate choice. It is certainly useful to practice within a particular approach for a period of time, until one gains a mastery of basics, in order to build a foundation. From my perspective, though, the idea of style is inherently problematic. Any of us who have seen O'Sensei films know that there is no one who has achieve his level. At best, direct students were able to grab an element or a principle that was within their reach, which they subsequently developed over years and years. Their students, imitating them, codified the principles into systems. This is all well and good, in that it facilitates learning – until the systems become dogmas. "Dogmas" means "right" and "wrong". It is a problem. What formerly enabled learning now prevents it. Too bad!
So, it seems to me that what happened here is that due to the blinders of dogma, clarity of execution got confused with style, leading to an inaccurate assessment of overall performance. It is truly unfortunate, not just for Brandon, but for all of us because the message is "Don't learn – just conform."
About the larger organizational-systemic issues, for now, all I'll say is this. I have heard several people comment on the implications of a demonstration being treated as a test. I find it quite ironic that Pat announced that it was understood that people who gave demonstrations were recommended by their Sensei's and had already achieved their ranks....
Firstly, I think it's a great idea to pass to Brandon's judges the letters and concerns of our
aikido community with respect to the 'muddy' decision they made about Brandon's yon dan demo (which wasn't a test). And I would be happy to proof read all the letters as I am sure many people wrote with their hearts and not their grammar rules in mind.
Secondly, I was reading in 'The Spirit of Aikido' recently by Kisshomaru Ueshiba and he mentioned 'take-musu', which literally means 'martial-creative'. The Founder himself spoke about this on one of my old video tapes. He said that the aim of aikido (to paraphrase) is to be able to be in a situation and respond with no preconcieved notions or ideas or techniques, but merely to respond with just what is needed in that moment.
It says alot about the judges that at the yon dan level they are still looking for basic postures and
not yet ready to nurture this creative living aspect of aikido.
For someone as effective as an aikidoka and as an instructor as Brandon has shown all of us over and over, there should be nothing but support for him to continue his practice in harmony and beauty. I am disappointed in the inner level of the judges if they are choosing to limit creativity and are adhereing to (one form of aikido) dogma.
Aikido is more than techniques, it is a way of Being and this is a really big thing and not nearly so easy to pursue or teach as mere forms. OSensei was a master of himself, not just a master of the forms. Saito Sensei himself did not grok all that O Sensei was trying to pass on. Saito Sensei helped consolidate a mass of techniques and forms, for which we are all very grateful, but he recognized that he did not 'get' the inner teachings of OSensei. I have heard it said that OSensei himself thought no one was getting this aspect, that everyone was mastering a martial art but
not getting the inner stuff about energy, kami spirits, kan (intuition), etc..this stuff that animated Ueshiba himself.
This is the way it is with all the great teachers of the world. Their teachings become divided among all those who studied with them. What was complex becomes reduced to forms and then these forms 'must be adhered to' to the exclusion of......take-musu! Therefore, what Saito gives us is a great thing but is only a part of a whole. In otherwords, there are many forms of aikido, not just Hombu style. And none are 'more legitimate' than the others.
I have the greatest of respect for the judges of Brandon and I feel sure that in their hearts they only want to be sure that the form of aikido is passed on in a 'pure' fashion as they understand it. That is their right.
However, at this point they have revealed their own limitations and I support you, Kayla Sensei, to consider relationships with other branches of the great Aikido tree. There is room on the planet to explore all the aspects OSensei passed on. Ultimately, as i understand what he said, it's about being able to master 'no-technique'...take-musu...in the moment responding. If Hombu isn't ready to pursue that even at yon don level, then we should forge our own path
and relationships to discover the greater depths of OSensei's great teaching of peace, unity and harmony on the planet.
I remember about 30 years ago I was coming home from a trip to Hawaii. I was at the Hawaiian customs in the airport and they were looking through my bokken bag at a small tree, more of a stick really, I had pulled out of the ground...a beautiful piece of dead hardwood...by the way, they don't like people removing stuff from the Islands...then he saw my bokken in the bag and asked what it was. I told him I trained in aikido. Without hestiation, he closed my bag and waved
me on. This showed me the great unity of spirit that prevades (or can prevade) the aikido community around the world.
I am way looking forward to training again with Brandon san and I have little doubt that even though they 'took away' his yon dan, that this whole experience has brought much light to something that needs to be examined and that he and we will only grow from this experience.
With respect,
I remember about 30 years ago I was coming home from a trip to Hawaii. I was at the Hawaiian customs in the airport and they were looking through my bokken bag at a small tree, more of a stick really, I had pulled out of the ground...a beautiful piece of dead hardwood...by the way, they don't like people removing stuff from the Islands...then he saw my bokken in the bag and asked what it was. I told him I trained in aikido. Without hestiation, he closed my bag and waved
me on. This showed me the great unity of spirit that prevades (or can prevade) the aikido community around the world.
I am way looking forward to training again with Brandon san and I have little doubt that even though they 'took away' his yon dan, that this whole experience has brought much light to something that needs to be examined and that he and we will only grow from this experience.
With respect,
The waves of life don't necessarily arise from logic; they just are. In Tsunami season, the wave draws back, back, back - scouring the sand of it's identity. But that's not the end; you know what happens next...
We want you to know that we are thinking of you and your (further) trials. How rotten (in the original sense, as well) could it be? We are so sorry that you were the locus of such a manifestation. All our best to you and Lisa.
a stray thought, the two line response to the whole "authoritarian standard vs. creative improvisation" element of the Gasshuku weekend is: What part of 'Aikido of *BERKELEY*' did they not understand? The government of the People's Republic has been pumpingnon-conformity serum into the water supply for going on 40 years now.
Hello my fellow aikidoka,
I write this email for two reasons. First, to ask a few (possibly rhetorical) questions about certain
aspects of aikido, given the CAA Division 1 Board’s decision not to grant 4th Dan to Brandon Sempai after his demonstration. Second, to express my support and appreciation for Kayla Sensei and Brandon Sempai for all the work they do as instructors and as examples of dedication, kindheartedness and generosity of spirit in the greater aikido community. I also want to recognize Lisa's support of Brandon in his dedication to the practice of aikido and to Kayla Sensei's dojo.
Before I get into the heart of this email, I'd first like to disclose (for those who don't know me) the perspectives that inform my thought process. My husband and the father of our now 6-month-old daughter is Nick Walker Sensei, dojo cho of Aikido Shusekai - an independent dojo. (He has been friends with Brandon longer than I've practiced Aikido, and will be posting his thoughts on the matter in his own response to this listserv.) I have chosen to practice Aikido
because I feel it is consistent with my path in this lifetime: to me, it is yet another tool with which I can transform my own suffering and polish my spirit and soul. (And the reason I do not practice at Nick’s dojo is because I do not accept instructions well from him. When I asked him for a referral at the point that I stopped practicing in his dojo, he highly recommended Kayla Sensei.)
So:
While I did not attend the San Diego demonstration, I did attend the Berkeley demonstration on the Wednesday night prior. Brandon’s aikido Wednesday appeared highly effective, deeply graceful, clean, sharp, and all of his ukes walked away from the demo unharmed and smiling, like they had a great time. So it was with great shock and dismay that I first heard the news that the board of CAA Division 1 decided not to grant 4th Dan to Brandon Sempai.
On its face, the decision appeared arbitrary and senseless, because I’ve seen both Brandon’s execution of techniques and the effect of his aikido both on and off the mat for several years now. In an attempt to try and imagine the rationale for such a decision, I used irimi/tenkan on the non-physical plane. Perhaps Brandon had not ‘performed’ as well as he had Wednesday night? (Brandon’s aikido on a not-so-good day is still pretty darn good...hmm.) Perhaps the
Board was looking for something specific that Brandon just was completely unable to execute? Had he hurt someone? What could it have been? Since I am not a Sensei, nor am I a member of the Board, I initially found this a fruitless exercise.
Well, not completely fruitless... my attempt at irimi/tenkan eventually led me to questions about
standards. In posing the following questions, it is not my intent to provoke ill will; rather, here is
where I incorporate a Buddhist perspective. Can I approach with curiosity and equanimity anything that arises in my practice, even when there's a 'charge' or strong feeling on said topic or subject? Perhaps the following questions could be considered food for thought or for conversation later among our dojo members:
It is my sincere hope that the Board’s decision was not a retaliation toward either Kayla Sensei or Brandon Sempai for leaning toward the experimental in the evolution of their respective practices. I would be deeply disappointed if the Board’s decision occurred as a result of Brandon’s aikido not fitting someone else’s traditional ‘filters’ of what is/isn’t ‘their’ aikido.
My view of aikido is similar to that of my view as a mental health professional: there is no one
(therapeutic) style or technique that fits all ‘problems’; some styles or techniques are more or less effective than others depending with whom I work, and it’s worth experimenting to find out and evolve as a practitioner. I would hate to see negative ramifications for anyone experimenting with their aikido; it is part of what makes the art come alive for me, and what inspires me to want to practice at this dojo (and visit Nick’s dojo). I have enjoyed practicing with Kayla Sensei for as long as I've been a member of her dojo, very much due to her openness on and off the mat.
As I'm working full-time, breastfeeding full-time, and sharing caregiving duties of a 6 month old with Nick, I am much more selective in the uses of my time if it’s not related to sleep or food. I plan to return to practice at Aikido of Berkeley, and am looking forward to visiting other dojos when such occasions arise. However, as an adult with the freedom to choose how I spend my time and resources, I do not plan to attend CAA Division 1 events, because at this point I’m just not inspired to do so.
While it may demonstrate some hubris on my part to say this, I hold the perspective that Brandon Sempai is a 4th dan in our dojo, regardless of what the CAA Division 1 Board says. I base this on having practiced since 2003 in the dojo, and borne witness to the effect of Brandon’s aikido both on and off the mat. Aside from the solidity of Brandon's practice of Aikido techniques, the content of Brandon’s character – his demonstration of honor, integrity, respect for others, self-discipline, dedication, and role-modeling – has been consistent and reliable both on and off the mat. I also hold the perspective that there is no rank – military, martial arts, or otherwise – that adequately or accurately reflects the degree to which any human being endures great sorrow, pain, or disrespect, yet does not project their suffering onto other beings. So to me, Brandon is both 4th Dan and simultaneously needs no rank recognition.
Last, but certainly not least: What is most notable about the events during the CAA weekend is that despite not having been granted a higher rank just after his demonstration (I feel that both Kayla Sensei and Brandon Sempai were greatly disrespected by the members of the Board in this matter) – it appeared from Brandon’s online journal entry that he 1) didn’t walk out in a huff, 2) still chose to practice on the mat anyway, and 3) did so without a sense of retaliation or vengeance and WITH a high level of honor and integrity – in keeping with the one of the major intents of aikido. (Personally, I think Brandon should’ve gotten the 4th Dan for that alone.) It is
my understanding that Kayla Sensei and other members of our dojo who were present chose to respond to such shocking and disheartening news in the same manner.
Now THAT’s the kind of aikido I want to practice, and it’s also the kind of aikido I want my child to witness as she grows.
See you on the mat Tuesday (tomorrow) night. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, Nick Walker Sensei, our 6 month old daughter, and I will be there.
Much love to all,
Leslie
I write this email for two reasons. First, to ask a few (possibly rhetorical) questions about certain
aspects of aikido, given the CAA Division 1 Board’s decision not to grant 4th Dan to Brandon Sempai after his demonstration. Second, to express my support and appreciation for Kayla Sensei and Brandon Sempai for all the work they do as instructors and as examples of dedication, kindheartedness and generosity of spirit in the greater aikido community. I also want to recognize Lisa's support of Brandon in his dedication to the practice of aikido and to Kayla Sensei's dojo.
Before I get into the heart of this email, I'd first like to disclose (for those who don't know me) the perspectives that inform my thought process. My husband and the father of our now 6-month-old daughter is Nick Walker Sensei, dojo cho of Aikido Shusekai - an independent dojo. (He has been friends with Brandon longer than I've practiced Aikido, and will be posting his thoughts on the matter in his own response to this listserv.) I have chosen to practice Aikido
because I feel it is consistent with my path in this lifetime: to me, it is yet another tool with which I can transform my own suffering and polish my spirit and soul. (And the reason I do not practice at Nick’s dojo is because I do not accept instructions well from him. When I asked him for a referral at the point that I stopped practicing in his dojo, he highly recommended Kayla Sensei.)
So:
While I did not attend the San Diego demonstration, I did attend the Berkeley demonstration on the Wednesday night prior. Brandon’s aikido Wednesday appeared highly effective, deeply graceful, clean, sharp, and all of his ukes walked away from the demo unharmed and smiling, like they had a great time. So it was with great shock and dismay that I first heard the news that the board of CAA Division 1 decided not to grant 4th Dan to Brandon Sempai.
On its face, the decision appeared arbitrary and senseless, because I’ve seen both Brandon’s execution of techniques and the effect of his aikido both on and off the mat for several years now. In an attempt to try and imagine the rationale for such a decision, I used irimi/tenkan on the non-physical plane. Perhaps Brandon had not ‘performed’ as well as he had Wednesday night? (Brandon’s aikido on a not-so-good day is still pretty darn good...hmm.) Perhaps the
Board was looking for something specific that Brandon just was completely unable to execute? Had he hurt someone? What could it have been? Since I am not a Sensei, nor am I a member of the Board, I initially found this a fruitless exercise.
Well, not completely fruitless... my attempt at irimi/tenkan eventually led me to questions about
standards. In posing the following questions, it is not my intent to provoke ill will; rather, here is
where I incorporate a Buddhist perspective. Can I approach with curiosity and equanimity anything that arises in my practice, even when there's a 'charge' or strong feeling on said topic or subject? Perhaps the following questions could be considered food for thought or for conversation later among our dojo members:
- What standards, if any, are provided in written form that describe the expectations of what needs to be demonstrated for each of the dan ranks, up to 10th Dan?
- What opportunity is there, if any, for any given Board member to practice with higher ranking dan candidates in order to review specific strengths and concerns – such that a candidate can address concerns prior to a formal demonstration?
- In what ways, if at all, may higher ranking dan candidates express the evolution of their aikido (such that basic techniques may not be seen by the naked eye, or may be discarded because they’re not as effective as another type of technique, or techniques from other styles incorporated, etc.)?
- What measures exist, if any, to evaluate the effect of a candidate’s aikido on other people as part of acquiring higher dan ranks?
- If there are no set standards for the promotion to higher dan levels, then on what evidence do Board members rely upon to make decisions to grant higher dan levels - which are fair and consistent across candidates?
- If there are no set standards for the promotion to higher dan levels, then what is the purpose of pursuing such levels in the first place?
- How can we support our Sensei/Dojo Cho and Sempai given the current circumstances (and with their consent)?
It is my sincere hope that the Board’s decision was not a retaliation toward either Kayla Sensei or Brandon Sempai for leaning toward the experimental in the evolution of their respective practices. I would be deeply disappointed if the Board’s decision occurred as a result of Brandon’s aikido not fitting someone else’s traditional ‘filters’ of what is/isn’t ‘their’ aikido.
My view of aikido is similar to that of my view as a mental health professional: there is no one
(therapeutic) style or technique that fits all ‘problems’; some styles or techniques are more or less effective than others depending with whom I work, and it’s worth experimenting to find out and evolve as a practitioner. I would hate to see negative ramifications for anyone experimenting with their aikido; it is part of what makes the art come alive for me, and what inspires me to want to practice at this dojo (and visit Nick’s dojo). I have enjoyed practicing with Kayla Sensei for as long as I've been a member of her dojo, very much due to her openness on and off the mat.
As I'm working full-time, breastfeeding full-time, and sharing caregiving duties of a 6 month old with Nick, I am much more selective in the uses of my time if it’s not related to sleep or food. I plan to return to practice at Aikido of Berkeley, and am looking forward to visiting other dojos when such occasions arise. However, as an adult with the freedom to choose how I spend my time and resources, I do not plan to attend CAA Division 1 events, because at this point I’m just not inspired to do so.
While it may demonstrate some hubris on my part to say this, I hold the perspective that Brandon Sempai is a 4th dan in our dojo, regardless of what the CAA Division 1 Board says. I base this on having practiced since 2003 in the dojo, and borne witness to the effect of Brandon’s aikido both on and off the mat. Aside from the solidity of Brandon's practice of Aikido techniques, the content of Brandon’s character – his demonstration of honor, integrity, respect for others, self-discipline, dedication, and role-modeling – has been consistent and reliable both on and off the mat. I also hold the perspective that there is no rank – military, martial arts, or otherwise – that adequately or accurately reflects the degree to which any human being endures great sorrow, pain, or disrespect, yet does not project their suffering onto other beings. So to me, Brandon is both 4th Dan and simultaneously needs no rank recognition.
Last, but certainly not least: What is most notable about the events during the CAA weekend is that despite not having been granted a higher rank just after his demonstration (I feel that both Kayla Sensei and Brandon Sempai were greatly disrespected by the members of the Board in this matter) – it appeared from Brandon’s online journal entry that he 1) didn’t walk out in a huff, 2) still chose to practice on the mat anyway, and 3) did so without a sense of retaliation or vengeance and WITH a high level of honor and integrity – in keeping with the one of the major intents of aikido. (Personally, I think Brandon should’ve gotten the 4th Dan for that alone.) It is
my understanding that Kayla Sensei and other members of our dojo who were present chose to respond to such shocking and disheartening news in the same manner.
Now THAT’s the kind of aikido I want to practice, and it’s also the kind of aikido I want my child to witness as she grows.
See you on the mat Tuesday (tomorrow) night. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, Nick Walker Sensei, our 6 month old daughter, and I will be there.
Much love to all,
Leslie
I could not agree more with your conclusions. As one that does not see rank as having any meaning i still feel that at Brandon's level of practice and dedication (which is really all that these higher rank tests usually reflect) should deserve recognition and passage, and from what i have heard his demonstration was more interesting than any of the others. It is disrespectful to what is going on at our Dojo and the integration of styles which we enjoy. Aikido has nothing to do with rigidity and when demonstrated, such as done by the board, should remind us to always trust our own feelings and choices. Rank or no "rank" Branden is still a great Aikidoka and great teacher and that is all that really matters to me. I hope he does not waist any time and energy worrying about the boards decision.
I completely agree with your comments. Having said that I recall what my Sensei once told me, which is that people should train for rank to give themselves a goal and improve themselves and also to inspire other people. Brandon certainly has done both!
Belonging to organizaions always has good and bad aspects--they have to be weighed carefully. I admire Brandon for continuing to train even in the face of not having been promoted. Blending with adversity seems like the very essence of Aikido. Brandon's behavior shows what an outstanding Aikidoka he really is.
more coming...
Labels: Aikido, bdwc, CAA, conflict
| posted by Unknown @ 6/02/2007 11:07:00 PM
